Directed by Grace Lee, 2007
Written by Grace Lee, Rebecca Sonnenshine

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Mockumentaries as anything other than comedy are damn near impossible to get right. A self-serious mockumentary, as with a horror movie without scares, is a recipe for disaster. Alas, AMERICAN ZOMBIE avoids failure on an epic level (something another recent zombiementary, THE ZOMBIE DIARIES cannot claim), but it is too worried about appearing realistic and legitimate to actually entertain. One of most appealing aspects of documentaries is experiencing that which would be unbelievable if it wasn’t true. If a “documentary” is inherently fictional and it doesn’t appeal on a visceral level, the question is begged: What is the point?

I think the “point” is that it’s easier to make a mockumentary than a traditional narrative film. Or at least it’s easier to make it professional-looking. And that is certainly one of AMERICAN ZOMBIE’S strong suits – it looks and sounds like a real documentary. The acting is solid, the cinematography is very documentary-like, and the zombie-infected world it creates is relatively believable. As a genuine documentary it may have been informative and enlightening. As a mockumentary it’s completely and utterly boring.

As picked up on BuyZombie.com, Joystiq put up some pictures of the Coolest. Shirt. Ever.  A shirt so cool, chances are you’ll not only never own one, but you’ll never see one.  That’s just mean.

Unless you’re going to the San Diego Comic Con that is, in which case you can just stop by Capcom’s booth and take part in their RESIDENT EVIL: THE DARKSIDE CHRONICLES promotion where they’ll be giving a free shirt to anyone who plays a round of the Wii game in co-op.  How insufferable.

In case you can’t tell from the picture, the shirt in question is of relatively inconspicuous design until you flip it over your head, at which point you’re instantly turned into a member of the T-virus’ horde (or whatever letter virus that series is up to these days).  Yeah, you’d kinda look like a moron doing so, but, hey, I’m just waiting for a flash mob of people wearing the shirt to start dancing to Thriller.

Directed by Tommy Wirkola, 2009
Written by Tommy Wirkola, Stig Frode Henriksen

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DEAD SNOW could have been great.  DEAD SNOW should have been great.  Sadly all the couldas and the shouldas and the good intentions don’t change the final product.

Half of it is a good horror, the other half plagued by pesky things like script and acting and direction and, well, anything involved in putting together a motion picture.  Jump into the Nazi zombie slayings at DEAD SNOW’s mid point and you’ll have a blast.  Watching it in full spoils the experience with groans and eye rolls and half-bored off-screen glances.

I’m no sour puss.  I like my fair share of mindless entertainment, I don’t think I need to flash any credentials in that regard, and I’m not expecting SCHNIDLER’S LIST,  but when you go as bare bones concept as teens at snow lodge versus zombies, I require a little more than zombie’s tackling people in the snow for forty minutes.  The last act makes up for this dearth, however, kicking off with a commendable head splitting gag and rolling through with a few dismemberments and one fantastic throat prosthetic.  It’s not enough to distract from how flatline mediocre the rest of the picture is, though.  I am not a gore hound.  I need more than a few solid bits of ingenuity on a budget to satisfy.

Maybe I’m just becoming jaded.  Loving a movie about Nazi zombies should be a default for a horror fan, right?  The problem with DEAD SNOW is that the undead chompers in question might as well not even be Nazis.  The only thing that defines them as soldiers of the Third Reich are their uniforms and a super lame origin story told by the cliched local who warns them thar city folk (yep, they have a bumpkin equivalent even in the snow caps of Norway) of the legend of the gold greedy Nazis.  That last bit sets up the plot, which (as RJ Sayer pointed out) is an almost identical convention to GARFIELD’S HALLOWEEN ADVENTURE, just swap out ghost pirates looking for gold with Nazi zombies looking for gold and a fat cat for some dumb coeds.  Wirkola and Henriksen’s script doesn’t even have the heart to build a revenge story a la Carpenter’s THE FOG.  Nope, just Nazis who want some gold.  Fascinating.

LEFT 4 DEAD
Produced and Developed by Valve Corporation

Given my recent reviews and trailer impressions, it seems only fitting a zombie apocalypse game should come around that I get to review. Being a PC gamer, there is some bias in favor of Valve and everything they make. Ask any PC Gamer and they will agree that Valve makes games for gamers. They share their source code; they encourage the community of gamers to expand on their product and make it better (that’s how Counter-Strike was created.) So, I didn’t want to instantly love the game just because I am in love with the company and their philosophy. Although, it doesn’t matter who made Left 4 Dead because I fucking love it.

Left 4 Dead is a cinematic game with no cinematics. It is fun; plain and simple. It delivers some of the best first-person multiplayer I have been privy to. To be fair I have only played about four hours of Left 4 Dead, and only one scenario. I have not felt every bit of nuance that there is to be felt, but the No Mercy scenario (where the early gameplay videos came from) was a thrilling experience nonetheless.

There are four characters to choose from and there is NO difference on which person you choose. You can either be the old Vietnam vet, the systems engineer for his IT firm, the chick who is a horror movie enthusiast, or the tattooed biker. All characters are ripe for the zombie motion picture. If one of your teammates dies, they are brought back by finding rooms with a survivor ‘trapped’ inside.

Further adding to the cinematic value are the random stop points where your characters will say things that pertain to the situation. Such as the movie enthusiast said aloud, “Fast zombies? I call bullshit, that’s not fair. Where are the slow ones?” These conversations add to the atmosphere without getting old and tiresome. You can always hurt your team, you have been warned. How your characters talk to the people that shot them is humorous and it lets you know who just shot at you. It also is a good reminder for you to duck if you are at the head of the pack trying to get through the plethora of zombies. Your characters reactions to ammo, grenades, health, etc is unique and needed. You come across a pipe bomb in a room and your character shouts ‘Pipe Bombs here!’ to your other teammates. Valve decided to play a mean trick on the user’s this time around: the louder you are on voice chat, the higher the probability of in-game zombies hearing it and running to your position.