Terror Tuesday Report: Troll

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The Film

In the canon of modern horror films, Troll has become something of a footnote, overshadowed by its infamous pseudo-sequel Troll 2, an eternal member of the Great Bad Movie Pantheon. When Troll enters conversation, it’s usually to set up the joke that Troll 2 has no connection to its successor and was titled as such by greedy Italian filmmakers to cash in on a property with some, albeit limited, audience recognition. Typical Italian filmmaker behavior, in other words.

If that previous paragraph sounds slightly bitter and casually racist, well, that’s because it is. Troll being relegated to a gloomy existence in the shadow of its hilariously awful follow-up is sixteen pounds of frothing, swirling bullshit crammed into a twelve pound sack. As much fun as Troll 2 is (and it’s about as fun as a movie about goblins turning people into vegetables can be), Troll is easily the more entertaining film, a delicious hour and a half of non-sequitor weirdness that has to be seen to be believed. It’s a moderately well made film  from a technical standpoint with adequate production values and creature effects that actually hold up to scrutiny, but it’s saddled with a seriously wacky screenplay that feels like the culmination of a narcotic-laced brainstorming session with an ADD-addled six year old and a cast that feels like they were plucked straight from a community theater production of King Lear: they’re  acting their hearts out –just badly– and playing to the back row instead of the camera across the room.

Last Week in Horror News: April 26th to May 3rd

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Theatrical Trailers and Clips

  • DISTRICT 9 – Trailer for Neil Blomkamp’s alien invasion.

Studio News and Attachments

  • THE DARK TOWER – J.J. Abrams tells MTV that as soon as “LOST” finishes they’ll muscle up for the film series.  Considering STAR TREK is posed to be a huge success, I have a feeling Abrams will muster quite the budget once it hits the ground.
  • DEATH NOTE – Warner Brothers picks up the rights to the popular Japanese manga/anime/live action series about a book that grants its owner the ability to kill anyone whose name is written inside.
  • COLD SKIN – David Slade is attached to direct for Madrid films an adaptation of COLD SKIN, a novel about humanoid amphibians in the Antartic.
  • I SELL THE DEAD – IFC has picked up the Dominic Monaghan, Ron Perlman, Angus Scrimm staring indie for distribution (presumably as part of their aforementioned Midnight Movies slate).  In theaters and On Demand August 14th.
  • THE ROAD – The Weinstein Company has now slated John Hillcoat’s adaptation of the brilliant, brilliant Cormac McCarthy novel for October 16th, ’09.
  • THE LAST VOYAGE OF DEMETER – Marcus Nispel in talks to direct a feature based on the segment of Bram Stoker’s DRACULA in which the count arrives to England on a cargo ship.


  • PHONE – The latest Korean ghosty to get a US doppelganger.  Too bad the original sucks.
  • DR. JEKYLL AND MR. HYDE – In the largest piece of Get The Fuck Out movie news this year, Abel Ferrara is doing an update on the classic tale in which Jekyll is played by Forest Whitaker and Hyde will be 50 Cent.  Head explodes.

Indie, Foreign and Random News

  • LIVID – The French duo behind INSIDE have revealed their next project to be the tale of some punks who attempt to rob the “increasingly peculiar” house of a coma patient.
  • SPAWN – Todd McFarlane claims to have seven offers in the table to do a new SPAWN movie.
  • THE CHRIST MUST DIE – According to Stephen Fry, Peter Jackson and Fran Walsh want to make use of a vacant but enormous Jerusalem set constructed in New Zealand by producing a movie in which Nazi zombies travel back in time to kill Jesus.  Kudos to whoever dreamed up that bullshit.
  • MISTER WEED-EATER – Joe R. Lansdale’s short story about a blind and creepy groundskeeper will be adapted and directed by Brian James Fitzpatrick.
  • BOOK OF BLOOD – The Sci-Fi channel will be premiering the adaptation of Clive Barker’s BOOK OF BLOOD.
  • HATCHET 2 – Adam Green says they will be taking the story directly to…space.

Non-Theatrical Trailers and Clips

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