HUMAN CENTIPEDE 2 Review – An Unrelenting, Ugly Waste of Time.

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Human Centipede 2 PosterWritten and directed by Tom Six, 2011

When watching David Fincher’s SEVEN for the first time, did you see the fat man lying dead in a bowl of soup and think to yourself, “Screw the guy with the interesting motive that killed him, I want to see a movie about that worthless, walking tub of human lard!”?  If so, IFC Midnight has a movie for you.

THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE 2 (FULL SEQUENCE) is an unwinnable film.  It’s Tom Six’ response to all of the claims that his first controversial film about a mad scientist who sews people ass-to-mouth was in fact not controversial enough.  So he sought to make as ugly a film as possible to silence all of the critics that felt the FIRST SEQUENCE was too tame.  And he does a very efficient job of doing that.  If you thought the first was a pale execution of a batshit insane premise, then Six is going to show you what you cried was missing.  You’ll see knee-joint tendons pulled out of their natural home and sliced with a grimy pair of scissors.  You’ll see it several times, in fact.  You’ll see considerably larger volumes of shit going into mouths.  And you’ll even see some new nonsense that Six has cooked up involving other genital parts.

But the problem with the first HUMAN CENTIPEDE wasn’t that it walked on eggshells, it was that it was a dull movie where you were more interested in the mad scientist than each segment of his medical abomination.  So instead of making a more well-rounded film with an interesting story and actual character development, Six has opted to make a movie that is boring and directionless from beginning to end.  There’s nothing redeemable here.  Nothing provocative or challenging.  It’s just a depressing attempt at creating a modern-day freak show, the freak being not the 12-person human centipede, but Martin, the miserable man at the center of this braindead story about a man who is obsessed with the film THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE and is compelled to recreate it in real life.

HUMAN CENTIPEDE Review. [Fantastic Fest 2009]

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Written and Directed by Tom Six, 2009

There’s no reason you should know this, but the only dedicated THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE (FIRST SEQUENCE) post ever on has been one of the most trafficked posts on this site.  Apparently people enjoy reading about a mad scientist that kidnaps three people, cuts the muscle tissue connecting their kneecaps so as to disable leg extension, and then sews the poor souls together in an ass-to-mouth chain in order to create the world’s first Siamese Twins connected by a single digestive tract.  And why shouldn’t it have gotten as many hits as it did?  The plot description of HUMAN CENTIPEDE is, unquestionably, certifiably, smear-it-on-padded-walls, bat-shit insane.  No one may want to see that visual come to life, but they certainly love doing a double-take when reading about it for the first time*.

And that’s appropriate, since reading the plot description is the best thing about writer/director Tom Six’ attempt at making a shocking horror film.  Because without having the advantage of knowing what this movie, hypothetically, has in store, most horror fans would lose interest within the first 10 minutes.  This gateway to the film is dominated by two annoying, spoiled-brat American girls who get lost deep in the woods of Germany.  The acting in this introduction is grating at best, deal-breaking at worst, and unfortunately it takes another third of the film to pass before things begin to get even remotely interesting.

For a movie about turning a trio of people into an ass-to-mouth-to-ass-to-mouth affront to evolution that can’t walk, it’s pretty damned tame at doing what little it can with that glass-ceiling premise.  It’s a pointless movie that has a weak opening, a weak middle, and an even weaker ending that will have you yearning, along with the film’s saving grace mad doctor, halfway through the experiment to kill the ailing abomination and start all over again.

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