Review: THE UNINVITED (2009)


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Directed by Charles Guard and Thomas Guard, 2009
Written by Craig Rosenberg and Doug Miro based on A TALE OF TWO SISTERS

In an recent response to my original dismissal of Fox television show “FRINGE”, a reader pointed out that I should factor in the general population’s narrowed intake of Science Fiction instead of comparing the show to other similar but less-marketed programs of late.  While I do not think this is a mandatory approach, it is a valid point.  I may not be the greatest genre historian, but when it comes to the new wares, I am a glutton.  It is because of this sin(virtue) that I have perspective enough to see both sides of THE UNINVITED.  On one pole we have the unnecessary and inferior remake of a prized Korean jolter, on the other we have the generic offering made from Hollywood to the malleable minds of teenagers unburdened by experience.

Is it my fault I’ve seen all this before?  Should I be ashamed that I’m not the target audience?  Is this review necessary?  Why am I even considering this line of questioning?  I don’t need to make excuses for someone else’s lack of inspiration.

THE UNINVITED is the film equivalent of the guy at work who pulls me aside to tell a joke I’ve already heard elsewhere.  The problem isn’t that I’ve heard the joke, instead that the new guy telling it isn’t much of a show man.  He’s got nothing new to bring to the table.  People who haven’t heard the one about the Pope and Raquel Welch get a kick out of it, I just nod my head and wait ’til he is done.

Emily Browning plays Anna, a previously suicidal girl who has just been released from a psychiatric ward following the death of her ailing mother.  Daddy (David Strathairn) is now dating a new woman (Elizabeth Banks) and her sister (Arielle Kebbel) is, from all evidence, a boozed up hoe.  Distracting Anna from spending her new found freedom whining on FMyLife.com is a mystery surrounding the real culprit behind her mother’s death and whether or not Daddy’s new bang maid is who she says she is.  Oh and there is a ghost that lives under her bed and old farmhouse children who live in trash bags and other inconvenient locations.

April 2009 Horror DVD and Blu-ray List.


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April 7th

I was hoping this new release of DOG SOLDIERS would make me finally own a Neil Marshal film as I’m a sucker for ‘Steelbook Packaging’, but I’ll hold out for the Blu-ray in May.  Also coming from England is Magnet Releasing’s DVD drop of DONKEY PUNCH.  Despite getting a lot of coverage on genre sites, including yet another mention right this second, DONKEY PUNCH is not a horror movie by any stretch.  It may even be a farther stretch to say it is a good movie.  It stretches thin before long, but, hey, how can you not talk about a movie about conflict on a yacht after a girl is accidentally killed by the titular sex act?

My most anticipated title of the week is VINYAN from THE ORDEAL (review) director Fabrice Du Welz.  VINYAN received mixed reviews across outlets, but that’s not enough to hold me back from it.  THE ORDEAL was, understandably, a divisive film itself, though hopefully I’ll once again land in Du Welz’s corner.

Rounding out the month are several straight-to-DVD titles I know nothing of: DISTURBED, HOUSE, BLED, DARK SECRETS, and THE DEATH FACTORY BLOODLETTING (Holy Trying Title, Batman!).

Only Blu this week is FINAL DESTINATION.  Considering my original DVD of the franchise starter went AWOL years ago, I may just pick this up.


April 14th

Ah, a spacer week.  SPLINTER (review) could have been a magnificent Indie, instead I find it a frustrating watch.  It has great energy and a nice hook, but it has fallen victim to the unfortunate mindset that shaky cam is scary – and SPLINTER takes shaky cam to whole new levels at nearly every moment that it should be rock steady.  Enough people love the flick, though, that you may want to consider it a rental.  It is also the only horror title this week out on Blu.

A trio of late ’80s flicks gang together this week under the banner of ‘The Lost Collection'; MY BEST FRIEND’S A VAMPIRE, REPOSSESSED, SLAUGHTER HIGH.  Also out is SUMMER SCHOOL, which is not a remake of the 1987 flick starring cinema’s greatest Leatherface fans which I taped off HBO as a kid and watched obsessively and that would have fit in perfectly with this Lost Collection business.

Ending out the week is THE TELLING, which stars a bunch of Playboy models and will be exactly what you expect: nice cleavage, terrible acting.


April 21st

LAID TO REST scored the Fangoria cover recently, which is either a quality endorsement or a sign that Fango had nothing better in the publicity stills department.  Whatever the case, it’s one of the more interesting titles of the month.  Hopefully buzz proves true and LAID TO REST is more than a low-budget slasher.

The most interesting title of April, however, is J. T. Petty’s THE BURROWERS.  I haven’t seen it yet, but I’ve heard nothing but great things about this period piece horror most easily reduced to TREMORS as a Western.  Nevermind that TREMORS 4 was, well, TREMORS as a Western.  I’ll be putting in my pre-order once I finish this list.

Filling out the straight-to-DVDs of the week is SAM’S LAKE followed by the 70’s flick I DISMEMBER MAMA, neither of which I know anything about.  I have, however, seen GHOST TRAIN.  Not this R1 US release, mind you, but the original Japanese film is nothing special.

Filling out the catalog reissues is a sweet looking HELLRAISER box set.  I wish the whole package was available on Blu, but it looks like only the first will be.  Also on Blu-ray is THE ARRIVAL, a strictly mediocre movie that I loved as a kid.  May pick it up out of pure nostalgia.

Oh, and for the BSG fans out there willing to give it a shot, the pilot for CAPRICA is out on DVD this week as well.  I was a huge BSG fan (still am even after the lackluster finale), but I’m rather indifferent to the prospect of this new series.  Thanks to a generous friend, though, I actually have this DVD sitting on my desk right now.  I might give it a watch this week and report back if people are interested.  The series itself won’t even air until next year, I believe, so there isn’t exactly a rush to get through it.


April 28th

Huh, just noticed it took four weeks for us to get the only major studio horror title of April; the DVD and BRD release of THE UNINVITED.  I missed this in theaters.  Well, missed it in so much as I never bothered to see it.  I’ll review it on Blu, though.  The original TALE OF TWO SISTERS was, despite being a logic mess, was incredibly effective.  Unfortunately we all know how the studio system works.

It is this very system that helps forecast why S. DARKO won’t be anything to get worked up over.  Someone has to make money off of DONNIE DARKO, though, and this is the result.  To be honest I don’t even know if this is a sequel or a prequel and I don’t care enough to look it up. As Goss points out, S. DARKO was bumped to May.

Plenty has been said of MARTYRS so I merely point you once again to my review.

Unknown quantities of the week: THE SHE-BEAST, THE CENTERFOLD GIRLS, PSYCHOS IN LOVE, ONE EYED MONSTER (Uh, Ron Jeremy and Amber Benson?).  Rounding out the month is WHILE SHE WAS OUT, a solid dame-in-distress flick definitely worth checking out from the library.

Oh, and JCVD comes out as well.  Obviously not horror, but I feel like if you’re the kind of person who reads this site, so you’ve probably heard tale of JVCD elsewhere.  I wish it had a more vibrant color palette, but that may be my biggest complaint.  Definitely worth a looksee, would make a terrific double bill with THE WRESTLER (out April 21).

JCVD and THE UNINVITED are also the only two genre friendly Blu-rays of the week.


Netflixing The Month:

  1. THE BURROWERS
  2. VINYAN
  3. LAID TO REST
  4. SLAUGHTER HIGH
  5. THE UNINVITED
  6. WHILE SHE WAS OUT
  7. MARTYRS
  8. SPLINTER

Last Week in Horror News: January 25 to February 1st


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Last Week in Horror: October 26th to Nov 2nd.


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