Horror's Not Dead

July 2009 Horror DVD and Blu-ray Guide.

THE UNBORN (as a Text Based Adventure).

Written and Directed by David S. Goyer, 2009

You have nothing else to do.

] Watch movie

What movie would you like to watch?

] THE UNBORN

Are you sure?

] Yes.

I’ve heard it is pretty awful.

] Watch THE UNBORN

Okay, but remember, you did this to yourself.

…

You are an attractive 20 something jogging down a wintery road.  You see a green glove.

] Approach glove

A dog has appeared.

] Approach dog

Are you sure?  It is a pitbull that looks like he’s about to attend a birthday party for other dogs with nonsensically upside down heads.

] I said approach the fucking dog.

Surprise, you find a fetus buried under ground!

Last Week in Horror News: January 4th to the 11th

Theatrical Trailers and Clips

• THE UNBORN – Clip
• THE LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT – Trailer
• AUTOPSY – Trailer
• THE THAW – Trailer

Studio News and Attachments

• People are incredibly, incredibly, incredibly stupid.  As in, complete fucking morons for believing that not only is GHOSTBUSTERS 3 secretly filming, but that they built a giant walking pile of trash.  Takes no genius to instantly peg this as viral marketing for the GB game.
• Kerr Smith makes no attempt to hide MY BLOODY VALENTINE’S open-ended ending, sequel inevitable.
• Josh Brolin keeps talking JONAH HEX, praises new director Jimmy Hayward, mainly because he isn’t those ‘CRANK guys’.
• Kate Beckinsale is in the new UNDERWORLD: RISE OF THE LYCANS after all…as archival footage.
• PERKIN’S 14 director Craig Singer has another user-generated horror movie set up at Warner Brothers.
• In case there was a doubt, HAUNTING IN CONNECTICUT is rated PG-13.
• Joss Whedon doesn’t seem to care what Tom Cruise has to say about his CABIN IN THE WOODS movie.

Remakes

• There is an official site for LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT up.  Does anyone ever actually go to these sites?
• Not horror, but because I admire both director’s involved, Danny Boyle has been approached for a SYMPATHY FOR LADY VENGEANCE remake.
• FRIGHT NIGHT remake gets locked up in favor of doing a HELL NIGHT remake.  Still no one cares.

Indie, Foreign and Random News

• The short film TREEVENGE has a fantastic clip out.  Since this was a slow week for Indie horror, its awesomeness toplines this section.
• Haven’t listened to it yet myself, but AICN recommends this POLTERGEIST podcast.

Non-Theatrical Trailers and Clips

• [REC] 2 – Pointless Teaser
• VACANCY 2 – Clips
• DEAD SNOW – Clips
• HYBRID – Trailer
• IMAGO MORTIS – Trailer
• MUTANTS – Teaser

Last Week in Horror News: December 7th to the 14th

Theatrical Trailers and Clips

• THE UNBORN – Clip
• THE BROKEN – Trailer
• KNOWING – Second Trailer

Studio News and Attachments

• Deceivers they be, Platinum Dunes does have an actual non-remake in the works.  A satanic cult yarn from Scott Kosar.
• NEW MOON, aka the sequel to TWILIGHT, has been fast tracked with Chris Weitz replacing Catherine Hardwicke, who happens to now be in the history books for highest grossing film made by a woman.
• THE UNBORN gets an international poster you most likely won’t be seeing in your local cineplex.
• Fangoria called it a few weeks ago, but THE WOLFMAN has officially been bumped to November.

Remakes

• Platinum Dunes swears they aren’t thinking about FRIDAY THE 13TH sequels until they see how it sells.  Platinum Dunes are liars.
• And, as of right now, they are not remaking NEAR DARK, but are working through A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET.

Indie, Foreign and Random News

• Why is it that if something involves a bug and a human it is forever deemd Kafka-esque?  The guy who made BOTCHED is now doing DEMENTAMANIA about a software engineer who starts hallucinating after a bug bite.
• Australia, home of giant crocodiles and 3D films about FLIES.
• Stephen King’s Top 10 list of ’08 contains one true horror movie, THE RUINS, and one tangentially related, FUNNY GAMES.  And LAKEVIEW TERRACE…
• Whoopi Goldberg will star in an online series for FEARnet.com called STRANGE.

Theatrical Trailers and Clips

• NIGHTMARE – Trailer
• BITE ME – Trailer
• MEAT GRINDER – Trailer

Last Week in Horror: November 30th to December 7th

Theatrical Trailers and Clips

• FRIDAY THE 13TH – New Trailer.  Purists be damned, I think it looks badass.  Plus, was that Willa Ford water skiing topless?  Sold!
• THE DAY THE EARTH STOOD STILL – Four Clips

Studio News and Attachments

• Sigourney Weaver is talking up a theoretical project with Ridley Scott to bring Ripley out of the ALIEN universe.
• Jackson’s THE LOVELY BONES and Whedon/Goddard’s THE CABIN IN THE WOODS have been delayed.  BONES not til 12/11/09, CABIN 2/5/20!
• Len Wiseman to direct comic adaptation ATLANTIS RISING, to be written by mediocre machines Alex Kurtzman and Roberto Orci.
• David Goyer’s THE UNBORN has been rated PG-13…
• Scout Taylor Compton denies word that Rob Zombie will do the inevitable HALLOWEEN 2.
• J. Michael Straczynki talks WORLD WAR Z a tiny bit, says the “scale of what we’re doing here is phenomenal.“
• Lexi Alexander wants to do JONAH HEX so long as Josh Brolin is involved.
• BENDERSPINk buys the rights to highly praised (read: Stephen King likes it) book/comic series THE STRAW MEN.

Remakes

• CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON has lost Breck Eisner as a director, henceforth replaced by no one.
• But then AICN says that Eisner is still directing.  So…yeah…
• FRIDAY THE 13TH poster has a humongous neck.
• The Depp/Burton DARK SHADOWS lurches a tad closer.
• THEY LIVE, remade.  Could stand an update in my book.

Indie, Foreign and Random News

• Forrest J. Ackerman has passed away.  I won’t pretend to personally feel the weight of his impact in life, but from everything I’ve read we all owe him a debt.
• Because it worked so well with THE SCORNED, REALITY HORROR NIGHT is going to star cast from “SURVIVOR”, “THE MOLE”, and more crap.
• Despite even a distributor for the first go aroung, the Romero produced DEADTIME STORIES already has a sequel underway.
• Frank Spotnitz blames THE DARK KNIGHT for the terrible performance of THE X-FILES: I WANT TO BELIEVE.
• If you’re going to Sundance, enjoy MOON, DEAD SNOW, GRACE, and THE KILLING ROOM.

Non-Theatrical Trailers and Clips

• NAILBITTER – Teaser
• SCREAMERS 2 – Trailer
• DEAD SNOW – Undead Nazis never lose

David Goyer is Not Fucking Around.

Directed by David Goyer, the idea man behind DARK CITY, BATMAN BEGINS and THE DARK KNIGHT, featuring Gary Oldman, an Auschwitz ghost possession and a guy in a patient smock doing the always effective upside down body crawl.  Does THE UNBORN look great or what?

Last Week in Horror, October 12th to the 19th

Theatrical Trailers and Clips

• SAW V – Clip
• LET THE RIGHT ONE IN – Red Band trailer
• HAUNTING IN CONNECTICUT – Trailer
• THE UNBORN – Trailer

Studio News and Attachments

• Paul W. S. Anderson is writing a RESIDENT EVIL 4 as well as a present-day remake of THE LONG GOOD FRIDAY.  Everyone wonders why to both.
• John Hillcoat’s adaptation of THE ROAD bumped from this November to an indeterminate point in ’09.  Insert Sad face here.
• For those few still possibly interested despite the non-hype, the official site for REPO! THE GENETIC OPERA has a full list of theaters that’ll be exhibitting the rock opera.
• Milla Jovovich joins the cast of long ago video game adaptation CLOCK TOWER.

Remakes

• HELLRAISER gets another French director attached to it, this time MARTYRS director Pascal Laugier.
• Certainly not horror, but geek enough to mention the fresh depressing news: Brett Ratner is directing CONAN.
• I know she has her devotees, but I’ll confess to only having seen one movie with Tiffany Shepis in it.  Either way, she has kicked up a blog about her experience on the remake of NIGHT OF THE DEMONS.
• Johnny Depp reboot of DARK SHADOWS on the fritz.

Indie, Foreign and Random News

• Larry Cohen to direct PETER, a movie about a weight loss addict, a weight loss drink and some insanity.
• Rob Zombie is hosting AMCs Fearfest once again.
• Winners from the official competition at Sitges announced, Jennifer Lynch’s SURVEILLANCE beats out LET THE RIGHT ONE IN for Best Motion Picture.

Non-Theatrical Trailers and Clips

• VACANCY 2: THE FIRST CUT – Trailer
• COMING SOON – English sub trailer

Last Week in Horror, September 7th to the 14th.

Last Week in Horror was predisposed to minor updates of news already established.  Survival horror game CLOCK TOWER is still looking to roll, this time with a PROM NIGHTer climbing the stairs.  Danny Boyle mentions a 28 X LATER again.  Minds behind the remake of MY BLOODY VALENTINE have already begun the mulling of a sequel.  Give them some credit, normally in these situations the party line is a transparent, “No, of course we haven’t given any thought to a sequel, let’s see how the first one does.” At least they’re being honest.

I hadn’t heard of THE INTERVENTION, but its sharp looking poster led me through a few links, now logging the demonic possession story high on my list of films to pay attention to.

Oh, and in case you missed it, Ooohveh Bowl is still crazy.