THE THING 2011 Review [Includes spoilers, but since you've seen Carpenter's film already...]


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The Thing PosterDirected by Matthijs van Heijningen Jr., 2011
Written by Eric Heisserer

No one involved with THE THING 2011 understands what the words imitate or replicate mean. There’s a moment where Mary Elizabeth Winstead, supposedly a pre-eminent paleontologist/grad student, and Eric Christian Olsen are staring down a microscope at a part-human, part-alien blood sample. In it they see two objects; a normal, circular blood platelet and what looks like a poorly rendered, undulating ball of spikes. The spike ball cell then approaches one of the platelets, attacks it, wraps itself around it and then changes its spikey shape to look like what it just ate. Meanwhile, these two academics stare at it in disbelief while stammering about how they just watched an alien cell imitate another cell. But that’s not what we the audience just saw happen.  There was no copy made. The original was consumed entirely and then replaced.

This may sound like arguing semantics about a fleeting scene, but it’s not just a discrepancy in word choice. This moment is indicative of how glazed over the entire film is. The whole thing reeks of being a studio horror movie that only exists so it can bilk a few bucks out of horror fans who rightfully put John Carpenter’s THE THING on a pedestal. And it’s not because 2011′s THE THING used the word imitate when it meant consumed and replica when it meant replaced, it’s because no one took twenty seconds to say, “Hey, wait a second, shouldn’t it be…”? Not one of the film’s five producers made a note about it. Screenwriter Eric Heisserer obviously wasn’t bothered by it. Winstead and Olsen didn’t turn to the script supervisor and ask if the line made sense. The effects team responsible for rendering the blood cells didn’t bother to actually animate a sequence that showed a cell being copied instead of devoured.

Somehow this easily-fixed piece of poor word choice made it into the final film. Now just think about how inadequately conceived the rest of the film must be if something that minor, something that could have been corrected by a two-sentence conversation, made it into the final cut AND I was withdrawn enough from the movie to notice it.

Last Week in Horror News: March 22nd to the 29th.


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Theatrical Trailers and Clips

zubzub

Studio News and Attachments

  • EVIL DEAD 4 – Sam Raimi admits to spitballing pages back and forth with brother Ivan for a hypothetical part 4.
  • THE GOON – David Fincher’s produced CGI adaptation of the comic is, apparently, not in actual production.
  • STRANGE ADVENTURES OF H.P. LOVECRAFT – Ron Howard is being courted to direct the adaptation of the ongoing comic series.
  • PSYCHO KILLER – Fred Durst is directing a script from Andrew Kevin Walker?!?!?  Is the apocalypse nigh?
  • NONSTOP – Len Wiseman will produce the plane abducted mid air flick for effects man turned director Patrick Tatopoulos.

Remakes

  • NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET – Latino Review gives the script a review, praising it rather uniformly and pointing out a few of the new introductions.
  • THE THING – The man who did the rewrite for NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET is also doing the rewrite on THE THING, after Universal shrugged Ronald D. Moore to the side.
  • H2 – Rob Zombie is ditching the Carpenter score?

Indie, Foreign, and Random News

  • WORST CASE SCENARIO – Don’t worry, the movie with the greatest promo real ever is still not anywhere close to being finished.
  • THE GRAVES – I do not believe that either of these girls love Alan Moore or Neil Gaiman.
  • THE LAND THAT TIME FORGOT – Directed by C. Thomas Howell.  ’nuff said.

Non-Theatrical Trailers and Clips

  • THE TELLING – Starring one of the ex-GIRLS NEXT DOOR.
  • THE DEAD – One of the more interesting looking zombie flicks out in the indie world, methinks.
  • SKELETON CREW – DVD Art and trailer.
  • PSALM 21 – Teaser

Last Week in Horror News: January 11th to the 18th


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Note: was anyone else aware that South Korea has a reality show about exorcisms?  And that its music is the SAW theme?

Also, what billiards game involves a blue pool table with no pockets and only three balls, the goal of which, as far as I can surmise, is to hit both balls after bouncing off at least two of the rails?  I really want to know what this is called as it is on TV All. The. Time.

Theatrical Trailers and Clips

Sorry, bone dry.

Studio News and Attachments

Remakes

Indie, Foreign and Random News

Non-Theatrical Trailers and Clips




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