Things I Learned from MALIBU SHARK ATTACK.

If it can eat a Helicopter, Don’t Call it a Serpent.

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I know where I’ll be Saturday night.

100 FEET on Sci-Fi Tonight, Sunday, by the way.

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Just a heads up that Sci-Fi is airing Eric Red’s return to the field, the Famke Janssen starring ghosty 100 FEET (review) tonight (4/26/09) at 9 Eastern.  I’ve no idea what their for TV edits consist of, but the movie boasts a few standout sequences that make it worth a watch.

Weather out on the east coast is beautiful, though, so you may just wanna DVR it for a rainy day.

Paleontologists Keep Giving the SyFy Channel Free Material.

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A few months ago researchers unearthed the monstrous skeleton of a 42 foot long gigantosnake and conveniently named in Titanoboa.  I just now came across the news, but a few months earlier paleontologists uncovered the fossilized skeleton of a, “massive sea monster“.

With a head not unlike the modern crocodile, this 45 tonne behemoth of the seas was 50 feet long and would have possessed a jaw strength equivalent to that used by industrial machinery to crush cars for recycling.  In case the Most Dangerous Night of Television couldn’t come up with a catchy name for the gargantuan Pliosaur, the Norwegian brains what dug it up went ahead and called it Predator X.

One may safely presume it was extinct, but it is still a safe rule to get the fuck out of the ocean.

The Evening Write: Welcome to the SyFy Channel: We’re Clueless.

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No one on the internet understands why on July 7th the Sci-Fi channel will be renamed SyFy.  I point out that no one on the Internet understands because no one in the real world gives a damn, which is why this re-branding is foolish beyond the telling of it.

Personally I don’t care what they call the channel.  Rename it the Heartbreaking Network of Staggering Genius, it’s still a vortex of shit (I can’t stop watching).  At least with the Wii Nintendo coined a new word.  Not only is SyFy how an illiterate child would spell the genre, but it also should be phonetically pronounced SeeFee.  Hell, even the unfinished sentence copy on the new website smacks (intentionally?) of incomplete thought, amazing considering this change has been in the works for a while now.  Upon first reading about it a few months ago I assumed the attempt at proprietary trademarking was too sardonic to ever see the cathode light of a geek basement.

It’s an embarrassing, futile turn for the network, in and of itself an impressive undertaking considering no one thought the outlet could fall farther away from its mission statement than airing prime time professional wrestling.  I wasn’t before, but starting July 7th I’ll be embarrassed to watch MEGA SHARK VERSUS GIANT OCTOPUS.

Le sigh.

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