SORORITY ROW Review. [Manicured Slasher Fun]


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Directed by Stewart Hendler, 2009
Written by Josh Stolberg & Pete Goldfinger


One could criticize SORORITY ROW for having mostly unlikeable characters, an aesthetic sense ripped from an American Eagle catalog and dialog lifted wholesale from a wall-to-wall conversation on a freshman’s Facebook page, but one shouldn’t.  Go see SORORITY ROW on opening weekend in a college town with a college crowd and you will be reminded with great velocity that the only fictional element of its screenplay is a hooded killer who slaughters the sisters of a sorority house.  Everything else about the culture of artificial people it so gleefully slays, vapid it and they may be, is ruefully realistic.  And though I’d have a hard time calling SORORITY ROW expert filmmaking with a straight face, seeing a swath of useless advertisements for trends get dispatched by a tire iron with knives on it is one of the more entertaining times I’ve had a theater this year.

SORORITY ROW is a throwback to a time (cough, the ’90s) when slasher films were absurd enough to be joked around with, but serious enough to only illicit laughs at all the right times.  There’s none of Rob Zombie’s fetishism for brooding characters and running-mascara set design.  There’s none of HATCHET’s nyuck-nyuck-schtick and over-the-top gore.  None of PROM NIGHT’s self-serious attempts to ignore the fact that it eats at the kiddie table.  No toleration for the current state of the genre’s fetish for tortuously prolonging the pain.  Nope, Stewart Hendler’s SORORITY ROW is exactly what it intends to be: an in-and-out 101 minutes of earned laughs punctuated by slick kills.

Last Week in Horror: March 15th to the 22nd


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Theatrical Trailers and Clips

Studio News and Attachments

  • SAW VI – Shawnee Smith is in the latest installment?  Why the hell not?
  • LOST BOYS 3 – Why the hell not?
  • DAYBREAKERS – Lionsgate bumps the vampire flick down the line to the newly claimed horror month of January.  Ethan Hawke, Willem Dafoe and Dr. Allen Grant still have me interested, though.
  • DANTE’S INFERNO – Dan Harris has picked up the screen writing slack on an adaptation of the yet-unpublished game adaption of the titular piece of classic lit.

Remakes

Indie, Foreign and Random News

  • GHOSTBUSTERS – Alyssa Milano is taking over the Weaver filled female lead in the upcoming GHOSTBUSTERS game.
  • FREDDY VS JASON VS ASH – This is really the preview image for FvJvA?  I coulda Photoshopped this bologna.
  • Pascal Laugier – The MARYTRS director talks potential projects on his slate(s), which reach past the HELLRAISER remake and include a CUJO-esque script as well as a LOVECRAFT infused property.
  • CLEAVAGEFIELD – I promise you that, unless I cancel the channel, I will bring you a review of Cinemax’ CLEAVAGEFIELD after it debuts on April 1st.

Non-theatrical Trailers and Clips

  • THIRST – The teaser trailer for Chan-Wook Park’s vampire film.  Looks great.
  • THE LANDLORD – I actually was offered an early look at THE LANDLORD this week.  Should I take it?
  • GOBSTOPPER – Christopher Lloyd does Willy Wonka killing teenagers?
  • THE CHILDREN – I know that this was viewed recently in Austin, but I’ve yet to see what the general consensus was.
  • EVIL THINGS – Trailer.

Last Week in Horror News: February 22nd to March 1st


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Theatrical Trailers and Clips

Studio News and Attachments

  • MANDY LANE – Senator is finally going to release ALL THE BOYS LOVE MANDY LANE (review) on July 17th?  I wouldn’t count on it.
  • SPLICE – Senator must be on a PR kick as they also slipped Bloody-Disgusting some photos from the upcoming Vincenzo Natali directed chimera-horror flick.  Pics look great, though if one commenter is to believed, the script is awful.
  • REPOSSESSION MAMBO – The Jude Law starring sci-fi tale of borrowed organs gets an R rating.

Remakes

  • FRIDAY THE 13TH 2 – How does BD surmise the headline, “FRIDAY THE 13TH Sequel Officially Announced” and then link to a source article that clearly states, “Insiders caution that there is no green light”.  We all know there is going to be a F132, but man, let’s wait until that “officially” means the same thing the dictionary says it does.
  • THE BIRDS – According to Brenna Roth, who is in talks for a role in the Platinum Dunes recash, THE BIRDS will be shot in 3-D.
  • TOTAL RECALL – Neal H. Moritz, yes the NHM curse of PROM NIGHT ’08, is allegedly bringing TOTAL RECALL back to the big screen his bank account.
  • SORORITY ROW 2 – Summit has yet to release the remake of THE HOUSE ON SORORITY ROW and already the sequel is on a word processor somewhere.

Indie, Foreign and Random News

  • 100 FEET – The Sci-Fi channel will be premiering Eric Red’s impressive haunter (review) on April 26th.

Non-Theatrical (US) Trailers and Clips




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