The fine PR folk behind the 20th Century Fox release of the Luke Perry/Krista Allen/Tom Berenger vs Snakes on a Submarine flick SILENT VENOM have seen fit to give you folk free copies of their movie.  Personally, I don’t think any of you deserve any thing free, but I’m also the anti-fun monster.

So, if you would like to own a copy of what I once described as “plastic surgery and plastic snakes by the gallon”, then all you have to do is email me (contact info in the top corner of your screen or here) with the subject line of “SILENT VENOM”.  There’s no criteria for entry, other than you send me your mailing address and why you like any of the three stars, four if you count the snakes.

It’s free, takes two clicks plus 30 seconds of typing and will pad your DVD collection.  Do it.

Directed by Fred Olen Ray, 2009
Written by Mark Sanderson

Luke Perry fights giant mutant serpents as they take over his submarine in SILENT VENOM, a new action thriller coming to DVD on June 2nd (also stars Tom Berenger and Krista Allen).

Let’s dissect that marketing for a second.  Right out of the gate it has the wower that is Luke Perry fighting not just snakes, but giant mutant serpents.  Sell over!  But the pitch doesn’t end there, oh no.  20th Century Fox Home Video then slips us the shocker, this Perry v Reptilia cage match is confined to the steel tube of a, most assuredly nuclear, submarine.  Then BAM! “Also stars Tom Berenger and Krista Allen”, a closer so blatant in its call and yet so subtle in its cull as to be delivered within nonchalant parenthesis, as if Tom “Eat shit, DANGEROUS MINDS” Berenger and Krista “I ruled Peter’s adolescent late night cable world” Allen also fighting giant mutant serpents on a deep sea vessel of sheer terror are not a bigger deal than novelty Luke Perry.

This is plastic surgery and plastic snakes by the gallon, people.  You know the score, I know the score:

Complete crap.