Incoherent Tantrum: Why don’t I like Guillermo del Toro?

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I am at partial loss as to why precisely I don’t like the HELLBOY franchise or why I am unenthusiastic at best towards Guillermo del Toro.  I’m a geek.  I dig fantasy.  I dig movies.  I dig practical effects.  I dig elaborate set pieces.  However, apparently, I do not dig geeky fantasy movies with practical effects spread across elaborate set pieces.  Or such would be the assumption from my dislike of HELLBOY 2: THE GOLDEN ARMY.  The movie, like its predecessor, just does not work for me.

One could effectively argue that del Toro is one of the premiere imagineers working in cinema today.  I can see the imagineer in the auteur, you’d have to be blind not too, but when it comes to Hollywood, del Toro is a blowhard storyteller.  This is at odds with his non-system films, which are fantastic, elegant, haunting tales.  Give the man a budget and a blue screen and all of that goes out the window.  But, apparently, I’m the only one who thinks so.

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