Directed by John Erick Dowdle, 2008
Written by John Erick Dowdle & Drew Dowdle, based on 2007’s [REC]

QUARANTINE is nothing to me but a surrogate for everything wrong with Hollywood horror.  Production began on it before [REC] had even left post-production in its native Spain, which may just be a world record for fastest Hollywood remake.  Despite [REC] becoming the festival hit of 2007 and 2008, proving that the original film in its original state was an undeniable success, here we stand not twelve months later.  In the United States [REC] has yet to receive any commercial setting, be it limited theatrical run or a bare bones DVD.  Instead the stakeholders have given us an inferior American remake equipped with inferior performances under the eye of an inferior director, yet conversely boasts an astonishing superiority in the field of recreating to the tiniest detail every major set piece from its Spanish progenitor.

Thus I disclose my biased position in this review.  I might be in the position to call QUARANTINE a good movie were I able to shake the indelible memories of [REC].  That just taint the case, however, especially given John Dowdle’s slavish attention to detail in recreating the set pieces, the camera’s point of view therein and the script’s jolt’s throughout.  There are a few minor differences, mind you, but in no capacity can anything in this Screen Gems produced cash-grab be considered an improvement.

In fact, every addition to QUARANTINE over [REC] is a concession at the expense of audience enjoyment.  As should be expected from America, global leader of a rising obesity epidemic, the only original elements brought to the table are ones of bloat.  Bloated length, bloated script, bloated explanations.  Expansions where none was needed that do little but bog down the experience.  And since I’ve seen [REC], I’ve experienced QUARANTINE.  Maybe for the uninitiated watching this will be as delightfully frightful as watching the original, but that was not the case for me.  The last time I checked my watch this often I was sitting naked in an exam room waiting for the doctor.  Come to think of it, QUARANTINE had as much entertainment to offer me as that office did.  Or, more accurately, it did not.  I may actually take something away from reading year old issues of HIGHLIGHTS, I took nothing from QUARANTINE.

Last Week in Horror we finally started to see some marketing material for studio backed films and I couldn’t be more saddened?  Why?  Well, of the four studio clips, three are for remakes and the other is a PG-13 teen shocker that I’m going to guess will most heavily be advertised on MTV and MySpace.

Oh well, some cool news.  FearNET will be showing MIDNIGHT MEAT TRAIN for free on its service all through October.  That said, it has yet to show up on my local FearNET OnDemand menu, but then again Comcast is a fucking abysmal corporation and my OnDemand (and internet) is rarely functioning.

Last Week in Horror, The items of most interest to me belong to genre brother Sci-Fi.  Alex Proyas’ latest film, KNOWING, finally got a trailer, albeit a derivative, uninvolved one.  But I love DARK CITY so much, even Nicholas Cage’s forehead couldn’t keep me away.  Same goes for Keanu Reeves’, well, entire self in THE DAY THE EARTH STOOD STILL remake.

Also, I was sent a press release regarding a contest for Electronic Arts’ forthcoming survival horror game DEAD SPACE.  Normally I’d not pass along such a thing, but DEAD SPACE happens to be a title I’ve been anticipating.  Not to mention the 100 film prize pack at the end of the rainbow is a bounty worth coveting.