PSA: 3-D at Home, it Does not Work, Shelve Your Hopes.

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As I write this my retina still shake and resist me, my rods and cones curled fetal from trauma.

I lasted roughly thirty minutes with the MY BLOODY VALENTINE 3-D Blu-ray.  I say lasted in an attempt to invoke the act of endurance required by said experience.  MBV3D was unarguably my most anticipated retail title of 2009 thus far.  I’ve been awaiting this disc with the same level of want as that of RETURN TO HOUSE ON HAUNTED HILL, which is to say with the same level of want as no one else on Earth.  I loved the film in theaters, surmising my enjoyment in the following review excerpt:

We all know what to expect and it sure as shit isn’t a layered labyrinth of deep characters coming face to face with their mortality and unimportance in a withering small town based an antiquated economy.  The only layers one should expect from MY BLOODY VALENTINE 3-D are of the geometric plane variety, the only labyrinth that of the mine shaft, and characters only deep enough to have a pick axe go in one side of their body and out the other.  Anything else is dressing as far as I’m concerned.

However, I knew not  what to expect from watching Patrick Lussier’s film in a home theater setting.  This ambiguity is what made MBV3D on Blu such a must-see, most-do on my list.  Like with RETURN TO HOUSE ON HAUNTED HILL’S ‘Choose Your Own Adventure’ gimmick, I wanted to see how well it had all been executed.

I’m a bit of a home theater enthusiast, which is to say I don’t fuck around when it comes to setting up my system.  Put it this way; moving the decimal places and carrying the 1 in my head, if I had saved all the money I put into our home theater I could have put an additional 15% down on the cost of the house in which it will soon sit.  This is ludicrous, I know, but I find justification in every person who comes over and says, “Man, this is better than going to the theater!”

Except when MBV3D is in the player.  The 3-D in-theater was great, the 3-D at home is of the dreadful red-blue variety.  I understand  this is the cheapest thing they could do, but it is intolerable to look at.  The picture loses all fidelity, smearing it in oppressive hues that one must make a concerted effort to look at.  Sure the third dimension is there and the perception of that works, but the method of delivering that gimmick is shit.  Watching MY BLOODY VALENTINE 3-D on Blu-ray is akin to trying to watch a movie after staring into the sun before getting donkey punched with an ugly green paint can.

Last Week in Horror News: April 12 to the 19th

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Theatrical Trailers and Clips

  • HALLOWEEN 2 – Clip from Entertainment Tonight.
  • CREEK – Lionsgate has yet to pin a release date for Joel Schumacher’s Nazi experiments flick once titled TOWN CREEK.

Studio News and Attachments

  • Fox Atomic Dies – Fox Atomic is, in all likelihood, getting folded back in to 20th Century Fox.  How this alters plans for JENNIFER’S BODY or the hypothetical 28 MONTHS LATER is unclear.
  • OFFSPRING – Ghost House Pictures picks up Jack Ketchum’s OFFSPRING, joins already acquired THE CHILDREN and SEVENTH MOON.
  • DRAG ME TO HELL – Looks like Ghost House opted to release the PG-13 variant.  Don’t blame ’em.
  • ALL THE BOYS LOVE MANDY LANE – Has a US theatrical date of July 17th, which is 361 days after the film’s release on DVD and Blu-ray in the UK; oh, and those discs are only $8 and $15, respectively.  Despite having a region listing on the back, my Blu of MANDY LANE plays just fine in a PS3.  This wait is ridiculous.
  • THANKSGIVING – Eli Roth is currently pitching a deal to direct a more accessible disaster(ish) film for $80mil if the studio involved will also pay $5mil for a feature length do-up of the hit trailer.


  • MY BLOODY VALENTINE 3-D – Lionsgate has no plans for a sequel, but has 30 minutes of deleted scenes and an alternate ending ready for the disc due in May.
  • FRIDAY THE 13TH – Out on DVD and BRD June 16th.
  • EYES OF LAURA MARS – Chris Fischer, writer of S. DARKO tells fans at Weekend of Horrors that he has writing duties on the John Carpenter remake.

Indie, Foreign and Random News

  • HATCHET 2 – Adam Green says the sequel is happening likely next winter, but is unsure the extent of his involvement.
  • I, FRANKENSTEIN – Classic monsters in a neo-noir mystery produced by Ryan Rotten of Shock and Robert Sanchez of

Non-Theatrical Trailers and Clips

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