Directed by Tommy Wirkola, 2009
Written by Tommy Wirkola, Stig Frode Henriksen

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DEAD SNOW could have been great.  DEAD SNOW should have been great.  Sadly all the couldas and the shouldas and the good intentions don’t change the final product.

Half of it is a good horror, the other half plagued by pesky things like script and acting and direction and, well, anything involved in putting together a motion picture.  Jump into the Nazi zombie slayings at DEAD SNOW’s mid point and you’ll have a blast.  Watching it in full spoils the experience with groans and eye rolls and half-bored off-screen glances.

I’m no sour puss.  I like my fair share of mindless entertainment, I don’t think I need to flash any credentials in that regard, and I’m not expecting SCHNIDLER’S LIST,  but when you go as bare bones concept as teens at snow lodge versus zombies, I require a little more than zombie’s tackling people in the snow for forty minutes.  The last act makes up for this dearth, however, kicking off with a commendable head splitting gag and rolling through with a few dismemberments and one fantastic throat prosthetic.  It’s not enough to distract from how flatline mediocre the rest of the picture is, though.  I am not a gore hound.  I need more than a few solid bits of ingenuity on a budget to satisfy.

Maybe I’m just becoming jaded.  Loving a movie about Nazi zombies should be a default for a horror fan, right?  The problem with DEAD SNOW is that the undead chompers in question might as well not even be Nazis.  The only thing that defines them as soldiers of the Third Reich are their uniforms and a super lame origin story told by the cliched local who warns them thar city folk (yep, they have a bumpkin equivalent even in the snow caps of Norway) of the legend of the gold greedy Nazis.  That last bit sets up the plot, which (as RJ Sayer pointed out) is an almost identical convention to GARFIELD’S HALLOWEEN ADVENTURE, just swap out ghost pirates looking for gold with Nazi zombies looking for gold and a fat cat for some dumb coeds.  Wirkola and Henriksen’s script doesn’t even have the heart to build a revenge story a la Carpenter’s THE FOG.  Nope, just Nazis who want some gold.  Fascinating.

I was out of town last weekend when I saw the press release for IFC’s upcoming slate of ‘Midnight’ movies’ and got excited to the point that I was sad I’d have to wait a few more days to spread the word in this here post.  I’ll get to why in a minute.

Firstly, if you’re unfamiliar, the Independent Film Channel opened an On-Demand portal a few months ago, debuting films into theaters and homes at the same time.  In the beginning most of the titles were, for obvious reasons, Indie dramas.  This year, however, they’re branching head first into the orbit of our beloved genre with their Midnight titles, of which they have 30 lined up for 2009.  A few will be theatrical pushes, the majority will be available via On-Demand on most cable providers.  I’ll break out the heavy title boasting full slate from April through September after this jump, but in the mean time I want to talk about THE CHASER.  It is not a horror film, but I place a patent pending HND seal of approval upon it all the same.

Not only is THE CHASER  the debut of first time writer/director Hong-jin Na, but it is also my favorite Korean film since 2003′s MEMORIES OF MURDER.  Yes, better than THE GOOD, THE BAD, THE WEIRD.  Better than THE HOST.  Better than even OLDBOY.  I picked up a copy of it when I was in Seoul and wish I’d grabbed six more to give away to friends.  I almost don’t want to say word one as to what it is about, but I suppose I’ll simplify how unconventional of a thriller it is by describing it as being about a pimp who gets caught up in the web of a serial killer who has been hiring out and killing off his girls.

It is a phenomenal film.  Please go check it out.  IFC has it for a few bucks, you won’t regret it.

Theatrical Trailers and Clips

• THE UNBORN – Clip
• THE LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT – Trailer
• AUTOPSY – Trailer
• THE THAW – Trailer

Studio News and Attachments

• People are incredibly, incredibly, incredibly stupid.  As in, complete fucking morons for believing that not only is GHOSTBUSTERS 3 secretly filming, but that they built a giant walking pile of trash.  Takes no genius to instantly peg this as viral marketing for the GB game.
• Kerr Smith makes no attempt to hide MY BLOODY VALENTINE’S open-ended ending, sequel inevitable.
• Josh Brolin keeps talking JONAH HEX, praises new director Jimmy Hayward, mainly because he isn’t those ‘CRANK guys’.
• Kate Beckinsale is in the new UNDERWORLD: RISE OF THE LYCANS after all…as archival footage.
• PERKIN’S 14 director Craig Singer has another user-generated horror movie set up at Warner Brothers.
• In case there was a doubt, HAUNTING IN CONNECTICUT is rated PG-13.
• Joss Whedon doesn’t seem to care what Tom Cruise has to say about his CABIN IN THE WOODS movie.

Remakes

• There is an official site for LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT up.  Does anyone ever actually go to these sites?
• Not horror, but because I admire both director’s involved, Danny Boyle has been approached for a SYMPATHY FOR LADY VENGEANCE remake.
• FRIGHT NIGHT remake gets locked up in favor of doing a HELL NIGHT remake.  Still no one cares.

Indie, Foreign and Random News

• The short film TREEVENGE has a fantastic clip out.  Since this was a slow week for Indie horror, its awesomeness toplines this section.
• Haven’t listened to it yet myself, but AICN recommends this POLTERGEIST podcast.

Non-Theatrical Trailers and Clips

• [REC] 2 – Pointless Teaser
• VACANCY 2 – Clips
• DEAD SNOW – Clips
• HYBRID – Trailer
• IMAGO MORTIS – Trailer
• MUTANTS – Teaser

Theatrical Trailers and Clips

• FRIDAY THE 13TH – New Trailer.  Purists be damned, I think it looks badass.  Plus, was that Willa Ford water skiing topless?  Sold!
• THE DAY THE EARTH STOOD STILL – Four Clips

Studio News and Attachments

• Sigourney Weaver is talking up a theoretical project with Ridley Scott to bring Ripley out of the ALIEN universe.
• Jackson’s THE LOVELY BONES and Whedon/Goddard’s THE CABIN IN THE WOODS have been delayed.  BONES not til 12/11/09, CABIN 2/5/20!
• Len Wiseman to direct comic adaptation ATLANTIS RISING, to be written by mediocre machines Alex Kurtzman and Roberto Orci.
• David Goyer’s THE UNBORN has been rated PG-13…
• Scout Taylor Compton denies word that Rob Zombie will do the inevitable HALLOWEEN 2.
• J. Michael Straczynki talks WORLD WAR Z a tiny bit, says the “scale of what we’re doing here is phenomenal.“
• Lexi Alexander wants to do JONAH HEX so long as Josh Brolin is involved.
• BENDERSPINk buys the rights to highly praised (read: Stephen King likes it) book/comic series THE STRAW MEN.

Remakes

• CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON has lost Breck Eisner as a director, henceforth replaced by no one.
• But then AICN says that Eisner is still directing.  So…yeah…
• FRIDAY THE 13TH poster has a humongous neck.
• The Depp/Burton DARK SHADOWS lurches a tad closer.
• THEY LIVE, remade.  Could stand an update in my book.

Indie, Foreign and Random News

• Forrest J. Ackerman has passed away.  I won’t pretend to personally feel the weight of his impact in life, but from everything I’ve read we all owe him a debt.
• Because it worked so well with THE SCORNED, REALITY HORROR NIGHT is going to star cast from “SURVIVOR”, “THE MOLE”, and more crap.
• Despite even a distributor for the first go aroung, the Romero produced DEADTIME STORIES already has a sequel underway.
• Frank Spotnitz blames THE DARK KNIGHT for the terrible performance of THE X-FILES: I WANT TO BELIEVE.
• If you’re going to Sundance, enjoy MOON, DEAD SNOW, GRACE, and THE KILLING ROOM.

Non-Theatrical Trailers and Clips

• NAILBITTER – Teaser
• SCREAMERS 2 – Trailer
• DEAD SNOW – Undead Nazis never lose

Theatrical Trailers and Clips

• FRIDAY THE 13TH – Teaser
• MY BLOODY VALENTINE 3-D – Trailer.  I am so effin’ down for this movie!
• UNDERWORLD: RISE OF THE LYCANS – Trailer
• FEAR(S) OF THE DARK – Clips
• REPO: THE GENETIC OPERA! – Musical Clip
• WHILE SHE WAS OUT – Not exactly horror, but looks nuts!

Studio News and Attachments

• Media Blasters picks up 1940s Louisiana werewolf novel DREG.
• The Weinstein Company bumps all of their theatrical releases left in ’08 to ’09.  Yes, this includes THE ROAD.
• Meanwhile, Dimension Extreme, STD arm of TWC, announces 18 titles for ’09.
• David Gordon Green to adapt the Steve Niles comic FREAKS OF THE HEARTLAND.

Remakes

• In addition to director Martin Campbell and star Naomi Watts, George Clooney is now attached to THE BIRDS.
• MOTEL HELL, not so quick.

Indie, Foreign and Random News

• Sweet poster for the (on my end, at least) hotly anticipated THE BURROWERS.
• Adam Green, he of HATCHET and SPIRAL, once again has a new short film for the public to enjoy on Halloween.  This time around the title in question is THE TIVO.
• CALL OF DUTY: WORLD AT WAR will have an unlockable mode in which you and three friends defend against waves of undead Nazis.

Non-Theatrical Trailers and Clips

• MIDNIGHT MOVIE – Trailer
• BOOGEYMAN 3 – Trailer
• AFTERMATH – Trailer
• DEAD SNOW – English friendly trailer
• COLD PREY 2 – Clips
• THE CHILDREN – Full Trailer

Last Week in Horror I realized that the studio horror future is looking grim.  No, not talking quality, talking quantity.  I haven’t come across a new, full trailer for a theatrical studio picture in weeks now.  I’m sure that will change in October as, THE WOLFMAN, FRIDAY THE 13TH, MY BLOODY VALENTINE, and, well, a million other remakes will probably all have their trailers attached to SAW V.

Anyways, on to the tidbits.