Written and Directed by Adam Green, 2006

---

Today I will be watching a film that was a real darling at Fantastic Fest III, the first I ever attended.  Unfortunately I missed it because I didn’t arrive until day three.  I had heard a lot of people talking about this and how much they liked it, but it would have made my list just based on its cast.  The film in question features three legendary horror icons: Robert Englund (Freddy), Kane Hodder (Jason), and Tony Todd (Candyman).  I was interested to see these titans of terror used in alternative capacities.  Having lived in Baton Rouge and having been to New Orleans several times with differing but still frightening results, I was also interested to see a horror film set in New Orleans.  It is such a creepy city and I really think there should be more horror films set there.  All said, HATCHET seemed like it would be the perfect movie for me.

It was not.

HATCHET is your basic slasher flick.  A group of dopes take a haunted swamp tour deep in the bayou that happens to be inhabited by a killer named Victor Crowley with a dark past.  Then they get picked off one by one in not so nice ways utilizing several different tools.  The group then gets whittled down to a couple survivors who fight said killer.  Credits.  Pretty standard stuff going on here, in fact it’s conceptually oversimplified.  Writer/director Adam Green uses American horror standards to recreate the feel of an 80’s slasher flick.  He focuses on gore and jump scares, intentionally giving us flat, vapid characters and stilted writing to create this illusion.  The inclusion of the aforementioned horror icons didn’t hurt none either.  Being an avid fan of slasher films from the 80’s, this should have been like chocolate covered popcorn for me.

Theatrical Trailers and Clips

• DISTRICT 9 – Trailer for Neil Blomkamp’s alien invasion.

Studio News and Attachments

• THE DARK TOWER – J.J. Abrams tells MTV that as soon as “LOST” finishes they’ll muscle up for the film series.  Considering STAR TREK is posed to be a huge success, I have a feeling Abrams will muster quite the budget once it hits the ground.
• DEATH NOTE – Warner Brothers picks up the rights to the popular Japanese manga/anime/live action series about a book that grants its owner the ability to kill anyone whose name is written inside.
• COLD SKIN – David Slade is attached to direct for Madrid films an adaptation of COLD SKIN, a novel about humanoid amphibians in the Antartic.
• I SELL THE DEAD – IFC has picked up the Dominic Monaghan, Ron Perlman, Angus Scrimm staring indie for distribution (presumably as part of their aforementioned Midnight Movies slate).  In theaters and On Demand August 14th.
• THE ROAD – The Weinstein Company has now slated John Hillcoat’s adaptation of the brilliant, brilliant Cormac McCarthy novel for October 16th, ‘09.
• THE LAST VOYAGE OF DEMETER – Marcus Nispel in talks to direct a feature based on the segment of Bram Stoker’s DRACULA in which the count arrives to England on a cargo ship.

Remakes

• PHONE – The latest Korean ghosty to get a US doppelganger.  Too bad the original sucks.
• DR. JEKYLL AND MR. HYDE – In the largest piece of Get The Fuck Out movie news this year, Abel Ferrara is doing an update on the classic tale in which Jekyll is played by Forest Whitaker and Hyde will be 50 Cent.  Head explodes.

Indie, Foreign and Random News

• LIVID – The French duo behind INSIDE have revealed their next project to be the tale of some punks who attempt to rob the “increasingly peculiar” house of a coma patient.
• SPAWN – Todd McFarlane claims to have seven offers in the table to do a new SPAWN movie.
• THE CHRIST MUST DIE – According to Stephen Fry, Peter Jackson and Fran Walsh want to make use of a vacant but enormous Jerusalem set constructed in New Zealand by producing a movie in which Nazi zombies travel back in time to kill Jesus.  Kudos to whoever dreamed up that bullshit.
• MISTER WEED-EATER – Joe R. Lansdale’s short story about a blind and creepy groundskeeper will be adapted and directed by Brian James Fitzpatrick.
• BOOK OF BLOOD – The Sci-Fi channel will be premiering the adaptation of Clive Barker’s BOOK OF BLOOD.
• HATCHET 2 – Adam Green says they will be taking the story directly to…space.

Non-Theatrical Trailers and Clips

• BEST WORST MOVIE – Trailer for the much loved TROLL 2 documentary.
• TRUE BLOOD – Season 2 promo.  Can’t wait!

Theatrical Trailers and Clips

• HALLOWEEN 2 – Clip from Entertainment Tonight.
• CREEK – Lionsgate has yet to pin a release date for Joel Schumacher’s Nazi experiments flick once titled TOWN CREEK.

Studio News and Attachments

• Fox Atomic Dies – Fox Atomic is, in all likelihood, getting folded back in to 20th Century Fox.  How this alters plans for JENNIFER’S BODY or the hypothetical 28 MONTHS LATER is unclear.
• OFFSPRING – Ghost House Pictures picks up Jack Ketchum’s OFFSPRING, joins already acquired THE CHILDREN and SEVENTH MOON.
• DRAG ME TO HELL – Looks like Ghost House opted to release the PG-13 variant.  Don’t blame ‘em.
• ALL THE BOYS LOVE MANDY LANE – Has a US theatrical date of July 17th, which is 361 days after the film’s release on DVD and Blu-ray in the UK; oh, and those discs are only $8 and $15, respectively.  Despite having a region listing on the back, my Blu of MANDY LANE plays just fine in a PS3.  This wait is ridiculous.
• THANKSGIVING – Eli Roth is currently pitching a deal to direct a more accessible disaster(ish) film for $80mil if the studio involved will also pay $5mil for a feature length do-up of the hit trailer.

Remakes

• MY BLOODY VALENTINE 3-D – Lionsgate has no plans for a sequel, but has 30 minutes of deleted scenes and an alternate ending ready for the disc due in May.
• FRIDAY THE 13TH – Out on DVD and BRD June 16th.
• EYES OF LAURA MARS – Chris Fischer, writer of S. DARKO tells fans at Weekend of Horrors that he has writing duties on the John Carpenter remake.

Indie, Foreign and Random News

• HATCHET 2 – Adam Green says the sequel is happening likely next winter, but is unsure the extent of his involvement.
• I, FRANKENSTEIN – Classic monsters in a neo-noir mystery produced by Ryan Rotten of Shock and Robert Sanchez of IESB.net.

Non-Theatrical Trailers and Clips

• TRICK ‘R TREAT – New trailer.  DVD and BRD due in October.
• ALBINO FARM – Official Site and Trailer.
• HOUSE OF THE DEVIL – Trailer for Ti West’s film having its public debut at Tribeca next week.
• SAMURAI PRINCESS – Oh, Japan!

Theatrical Trailers and Clips

• TIMECRIMES – Clip, list of theaters

Studio News and Attachments

• Remember BLACK DEATH mentioned on here 6 or so months ago?  No?  You will now.  Staring Lena Headey and Sean Bean it’s about a medieval quest for a necromancer and will be directed by none other than Christopher Smith.
• Anchor Bay is giving THE ALPHABET KILLER a limited theatrical run, though fails to clarify just how limited.
• That I AM LEGEND prequel is, if the word is true, actually a sequel.  Gooooo Logic!
• I don’t believe it, but an Australian newspaper is spreading the fire that TWILIGHT’s monstrous opening has paved the way for a new BUFFY movie.

Remakes

• Nacho Vigalondo supports the remake of his hit TIMECRIMES, but refuses to read the script, instead wanting to see the movie like the rest of us.
• A script and J.T. Petty are good to go, now all that stands in the way of FACES OF DEATH is a legal dispute regarding the title.

Indie, Foreign and Random News

• Frank Spotnitz won’t give up hope on another X-FILES movie.  The box office thinks he should.
• Sweet concept art for Steve Niles’ forthcoming modern Frankenstein comic/movie WAKE THE DEAD.
• Uwe Boll’s next will be THE STORM, a film that would sound like a Sundance family drama were it not for his involved name.
• F. Paul Wilson’s REPAIRMAN JACK inches a little closer to film world thanks to Beacon Pictures.
• Buy an Alien Cookie Jar!

Non-Theatrical Trailers and Clips

• LUSTER – From Adam Mason
• X-CROSS – Trailer
• FAIRY TALE POLICE – X-Box Love short from Adam Green
• THE GREEN MONSTER – Trailer

Theatrical Trailers and Clips

• FRIDAY THE 13TH – Teaser
• MY BLOODY VALENTINE 3-D – Trailer.  I am so effin’ down for this movie!
• UNDERWORLD: RISE OF THE LYCANS – Trailer
• FEAR(S) OF THE DARK – Clips
• REPO: THE GENETIC OPERA! – Musical Clip
• WHILE SHE WAS OUT – Not exactly horror, but looks nuts!

Studio News and Attachments

• Media Blasters picks up 1940s Louisiana werewolf novel DREG.
• The Weinstein Company bumps all of their theatrical releases left in ‘08 to ‘09.  Yes, this includes THE ROAD.
• Meanwhile, Dimension Extreme, STD arm of TWC, announces 18 titles for ‘09.
• David Gordon Green to adapt the Steve Niles comic FREAKS OF THE HEARTLAND.

Remakes

• In addition to director Martin Campbell and star Naomi Watts, George Clooney is now attached to THE BIRDS.
• MOTEL HELL, not so quick.

Indie, Foreign and Random News

• Sweet poster for the (on my end, at least) hotly anticipated THE BURROWERS.
• Adam Green, he of HATCHET and SPIRAL, once again has a new short film for the public to enjoy on Halloween.  This time around the title in question is THE TIVO.
• CALL OF DUTY: WORLD AT WAR will have an unlockable mode in which you and three friends defend against waves of undead Nazis.

Non-Theatrical Trailers and Clips

• MIDNIGHT MOVIE – Trailer
• BOOGEYMAN 3 – Trailer
• AFTERMATH – Trailer
• DEAD SNOW – English friendly trailer
• COLD PREY 2 – Clips
• THE CHILDREN – Full Trailer