Brilliant commercial that, once again, proves Thai have ghosts for everything.  There is probably a ghost for this post already, as a matter of fact.

NIGHTSCARES opens with long pans of the exterior of an apartment building inter-cut with long holds on the faces of people sleeping. This sequence is followed immediately by Craig Fairbrass as the worst cop ever (which makes him the best movie cop ever) staring at a suspect in an interrogation room. And when I type staring, I mean glowering in silence like a rapist. Eons go by without a single word said between the two and then WHAM! Fairbrass springs into action like a tranquilized sloth and calmly exits the room. Cut to a long shot in an endless hallway with a non-emotive cop way back of the frame. He walks down the hallway, which is as bland as a hallway can be, straight towards the static camera. Walks the whole damn way. Just as he reaches us, he turns around.

He turns around and walks all the way back down the hallway. Vadim Jean lets us experience every agonizing second of that fucking pointless piece of script. I love it when low(er) budget films and low(er) talent filmmakers pad their run time, as if their movie about dreams that kill people is legit at 89 minutes, but a clown act at 75.  At (what felt like) ten minutes in with not a single worthwhile thing happening, I knew writing this review of NIGHTSCARES was going to be fun.

Elizabeth Hurley looks about as fantastic as she ever has, which of course means she is playing a neuroscientist experimenting on a serial killer with a drug designed to make his brain cure Alzheimers. Or something. I don’t know, actually. Folk mumble a lot in this masterpiece. I can tell you this though, whatever noble goal nubile Hurley had, brooding cop Fairbrass is fuckin’ pissed about it. Dude is having none of it, which either makes him the most stonecold Inspector Detective (no shit, he calls himself that) ever or just one huge dick. Either way, bloke cannot act, which of course makes for some YouTube worthy exchanges;

Reporter he had sex with: “But yesterday was amazing!!”

Fairbrass: “Get out of here.”

Reporter: “Don’t I give the best head?”

Fairbrass: “No, I didn’t think so.”

Colder than an Ice Road Trucker.

So, Hurley has brewed up this drug and begun administering it to notorious killer, Gilmour. Turns out she is also hooked on the stuff, so she shoots it up before going to bed. The side effect, as is so often the case, is a manifestation of the user’s dreams. The focus is on Gimour of course, so the script never bats an eye at the fact that Hurley’s dislike of one guy results in him jumping to his death on fire. Or that she somehow made an old lady hang herself. That last bit, for the record, marks when NIGHTSCARE stopped being irrelevant and became a bizarre exploration of confronting the uncontrollable, yet deeply personal nature of nightmares. It is an unsettling sequence, to be fair. Not because the old broad swings from the creaking ceiling, but because before she does Elizabeth Hurley is having a fantasy about another man in the building. One second we’ve got Hurley in a silken nightie riding some guy, next we’ve got Old Lady riding the same guy. A fleeting second later, Hurley is back pleasuring herself, but wait!  The Old Lady is getting ground into by the guy.  And believe me, that Old Lady was DTF.

Of course I should point out at this point in the movie we as an audience aren’t supposed to know what is going on, though despite our strong suspicions this wacky threesome definitely sends conflicting signals.  Which starts the one point of distinction Vadim Jean runs with again and again; erotic dreams can be eerily inexplicable.

The movie is awash in a stalemate back and forth between the neuroscientist and the cop. The pair are boring shells of people. That is until Hurley stabs Fairbrass with the drug (for some reason) and the two go dream-reality tripping together to kill Gilmour (Who hasn’t even done anything wrong yet).

One moment the movie is a predictable mess, the next moment the duo are at an apartment amid an unpredictable mess. Fairbrass is telling his dead mother’s nightmare ghost with a bullet in her chest to go “Fuck herself” while Hurley is either being raped by a man so burned he looks like a mutant or being scolded by a nun for having two abortions. I’d like to pause for a moment and reflect. First these two are generic avatars for characters and suddenly there are ghost mother’s shot by their own son and Hurley’s scientist is the type of lass who had not one but two abortions. At some point in the climax the rather ugly (or handsome by British pub standards) Fairbrass loses his shirt and it turns out the bloke is ripped like a steelworker who built the Titanic by himself. I mean, Jesus Vadim, give us some time to acclimate to all of this.

Which of course he does, through I’d assume the non contiguous intelligence in editing was not intentional. Crawling hallway walks to crazy apartment nightmares to crawling exposition to, well, you get the picture. It goes on forever, like waking up from a dream that was once good, but then overstayed its welcome and no matter how hard you try to wake up, you keep slipping back into its rut.  One could theorize that is the whole point, to simulate a never ending nightmare for the viewer.  Such a theory may not be wrong.  Doesn’t change the fact that the 89 minutes feel epic.

NIGHTSCARE does get stuck in several ruts, but ruts I must confess to enjoying more than I wagered I would from minute one. Once all the dream stuff starts to snowball together, it becomes a much more entertaining ordeal. It is never as thrilling nor inventive as the other nightmare haunting movie it so desperately wants to be and director/writer Vadim Jean is unqualified at best, but its middle game is adequately intriguing. The whole production is a perfect match for a group viewing as it is bound to elicit laughs (some intentional, many more un) from amateur line deliveries* and soaring mood changes, yet there will be just as many head slapping “What the fuck is going on?” moments to keep you guessing.

Plus, ya know, Elizabeth Hurley in ‘94.  Golden.

*I don’t know what “GARTH MARENGHI’S DARKPLACE” modeled some of its genes after, but they’ve got to involve this discarded British experiment.  If someone took the time to splice any or all of Fairbrass’ screentime into an episode of that genius show, no one would be any the wiser.

Bruce Campbell’s long unreleased MY NAME IS BRUCE finally gets a release date.  I doubt it will, but it hope it pulls Scrooge sized mountains of coin.  And no, I most certainly do not own stock in its distributor Image Entertainment.  No, I didn’t cry when their stock fell 14% after a dip in earnings last Thursday.  Nope, not at all.  I in no way whatsoever encourage everyone to buy 2 tickets when MY NAME IS BRUCE comes out, or its announced sequel MY NAME IS STILL BRUCE.  Nope, no agenda here.

Oh, and I would recommend watching the Twitch hosted trailer for Fabrice Du Welz’s CALVAIRE followup film VINYAN linked below.  Looks magnificent.Theatrical Trailers and Clips

• REPO: THE GENETIC OPERA - Trailer

Studio News and Attachments

• The SAW V poster is (unexpectedly) a remarkable marketing beauty in my book.  I may not love the movies, but I love the franchise, I love that people love the franchise and, of most importance, I love that once again our genre is responsible for a character so iconic that a theatrical poster can exist with him alone.  No titles, no dates, just a face and a number.  I love it.
• The duo behind WANTED brew a flick about an animal conquered planet called ALL CREATURES GREAT AND SMALL.  All Animals versus All Humans, once again.  Oh, but its for Neal Moritz.  The bane of all horror banes.
• LOST BOYS: THE TRIBE will be shown in some sort of public exhibition, after all.  Of course, Storm Troopers will be in attendance.
• ARMY OF THE DEAD will start shooting this fall.
• MY NAME IS BRUCE will finally hit the big screen in October.
• First Tartan-US and now Tartan Films has folded.  Tis a shame.

Remakes

*Crickets Sing*

Indie, Foreign and Random News

• Logically, AMATEUR PORN STAR KILLER 3 will be in 3D.  Fret not purists, as director Shane Ryan has insisted that he’ll do a serious part 3 as well.  Ugh.  (Note: I was offered a review copy of APSK way back in the day.  It is the only movie I’ve turned down.)
• THE HOST 2 will be a team up Korean/Chinese production, but localized in the later.  I like that, actually.
• FanTasia gets a sexy, lengthy lineup.
• FEAST 2 hits shelves on October 21st.
• American McGee’s ALICE still stalling.

Indie/Foreign Trailers and Clips

• VINYAN - Looking GREAT!
• 100 FEET - Korean trailer for Eric Red’s flick
• EXAM: BLOODY MID-TERMS - Trailer
• DOCTOR HORRIBLE’S SING ALONG BLOG - Trailer
• RESURRECTION COUNTY - Worst voice over ever?
• PINK EYE - Trailer

This is just a list of flicks added for the month of July 2008: 39 DVDs in total.  Whole lot of Straight to DVD this month, but there are a few crucial releases, as well as one hotly anticipated Director’s Cut:

July 1st:

• TRILOQUIST
• SUMMER OF THE MASSACRE
• UNBORN SINS
• DEAD AND GONE
• “MAD MEN”
• CITY OF MEN
• MY BLUEBERRY NIGHTS

July 8th:

• JEKYLL
• AMERICAN ZOMBIE
• DEATH OF A GHOST HUNTER
• BONE EATER
• HYBRID
• THE RUINS

July 15th:

• INSANITARIUM
• GUARDIANS
• TRAPPED ASHES
• ASYLUM
• VOICE
• STEEL TRAP
• SHUTTER
• THE BANK JOB
• STEP UP 2 THE STREETS
• “EUREKA” - Season 2

July 22nd:

• THE LAST WINTER
• THE BOSTON STRANGLER
• DARK HONEYMOON
• “MASTERS OF HORROR” - Season 2 Box set
• 21

July 29th:

• 100,000,000 BC
• ANTISOCIAL BEHAVIOR
• VENGEANCE
• MADAME 0
• DOOMSDAY
• HAIR EXTENSIONS (EXTE)
• DARK CITY: SPECIAL EDITION
• LOST BOYS: THE TRIBE
• FREAKAZOID
• HAROLD AND KUMAR: ESCAPE FROM GUANTANAMO BAY
• ROLLING STONES: SHINE A LIGHT

I feel like many of my weekends for the rest of the summer have just been decided for me.  Starting next week and spread out through August (where it gets real good), the lovely American Film Institute will be showcasing all of the following genre related cinema:

July:

• JAWS,
• THE GOONIES
• DUEL (!)
• CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE THIRD KIND
• THE DARK CRYSTAL
• LABYRINTH
• RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK

August:

• THEY LIVE
• E.T.
• TWILIGHT ZONE THE MOVIE
• THE THING (FUCK YES, FUCK YES, FUCK YES!)
• POLTERGEIST
• TEMPLE OF DOOM
• VIDEODROME
• ALIENS
• NEAR DARK

That is a bad man’s roster right there.  Between these and some horrorfests of my own divising, this is going to be a fantastic summer of movies.  Now with my luck the Gov will finally stop wasting our tax money, get their shit together and push the several times delayed Doha install closer.  If I miss seeing THE THING on the big screen because I’m back in the searing Qatari dessert, well, I’ll be the saddest boy ever to miss seeing THE THING on the big screen because he was back in Molten Core the searing Qatari dessert.

First up, Best Science Fiction Film:  CLOVERFIELD.  Fiction it holds, but science?  Where was the science in CLOVERFIELD?  And how was it leveraged with fiction as the fulcrum to then challenge our imagination as to the implications of said science?  That is what Science Fiction does.  I like CLOVERFIELD (more than my original review suggests) and I’ll certainly be on board with any accolades for its challenging of what a giant monster movie could be, but Science Fiction?  No.  And even if you want to play blind to the definition, it wasn’t even the best Science Fiction of last year.  SUNSHINE has that shiz on lockdown.  The only challenger to SUNSHINE’S title would be THE MAN FROM EARTH.  Maybe RIGHT AT YOUR DOOR in a distant third.

And don’t even get me started on Best Horror Film.

SWEENY TODD?  You’re taking the piss, right, “Academy”?  So now eccentric characters, slit throats and throwing the word Demon into a title counts as horror?  SWEENY TODD is a fine film, but it is no arrangement a horror film.  And, again, even if you want to bury your head in the sand, it could hardly be considered the best.  Not when THE MIST, [REC], or THE ORPHANAGE are playing in the big leagues.

They got Marcia Gay Harden right for Best Supporting Actress in THE MIST, as well as “LOST” for best Network TV (though if “JOURNEYMAN” had been granted a full season, it’d have given ABC’s giant a run), but in what frosty vision of hell does “DEXTER” beat out “BATTLESTAR GALACTICA” for best Cable Television show?  Season 3 of BSG was the epoch of science fiction on television.  It doesn’t get better than that season, folks.  Not these days at least.  Several of those episodes are exemplary bastions as to how Science Fiction can take those two title words, collide them with fantasy, set them in an indeterminate future and yet be slavishly topical to the contemporary society manufacturing it.  “DEXTER” wasn’t even that good last season!  Nominate it, sure.  Crown it?  Geddafuckout.

What a farce.  I didn’t pay attention to ‘em before, but now I want to know just who comprises this “Academy of Science Fiction, Fantasy & Horror Films” and what their credentials are.  Those calls are the real fiction here.

Now here we go.  The early reviews of “FEAR ITSELF” all indicated that the show failed to kick off until episode three.  The early reviews were right.  FAMILY MAN, written by “CARNIVALE” creator and scribe Daniel Knauf, has an excellent script tailored specifically for the rise and fall pacing of network television.  Ronny Yu, of all people, has a steady, refrained vision for how to ground the unbelievable premise to terra firma.

Colin Ferguson plays Dennis Mahoney, a church going family man who leaves his body following a car crash and wakes up in the bullet ridden, handcuffed body of Brautigan (Clifton Collins Jr.), a serial killer with jollies for picking off whole families.  Yes, it is a FREAKY FRIDAY, VICE-VERSA scenario, but with a serial killer, but Knauf is a smart man with a tapped pulse on building tension.  Brautigan, the switched man we’re pulling for, is stuck in jail, beaten on a regular basis by his guards, treated like scum by his public defender and to top it all off, visited regularly by the newly emancipated killer currently occupying his life.

The script is one of the most kinetic that either “FEAR ITSELF” or “MASTERS OF HORROR” have been privy to, but what really sells it are the performances of Collins Jr. and Ferguson.  The latter is most easily recognizeable for his fish out of water comedy role as the lead on Sci-Fi’s minor hit “EUREKA”, so to see him play dark is a real treat.  There are a few moments where he connects that are pure actor/role kismet; particularily a speech he gives his new wife that could only come from the obsessed mind of a child killer.  And then there is Clifton Collins Jr., a character actor best known for the regretful malice of the death sentenced Perry Smith in CAPOTE.  He seems to feed off of other actors.  I’d say that his scenes with Colin Ferguson are just as fascinating as those with Philip Seymour Hoffman in the aforementioned Oscar bait.

FAMILY MAN is the first episode of the series to successfully maintain any semblance of horror (not to mention the fun to be found in Anthology Television).  There is a persistant push and pull, a relatable sense of consequence brought all the way to the episode’s satisfying conclussion.  Finally “FEAR ITSELF” justifies, well, itself as an entertaining hour of TV horror worthy of repeat viewings.  The material this go around is a working marriage of content and format.  We can only hope that any following episodes take note.

Brad Anderson is a name that bodes much hook with me.  He is a director whose television stints on “THE WIRE” and “SURFACE” are work I’ll go out of my way to detour for, so I feel fortunate when his job falls in line with my (non)job.  Thus is the second episode of “FEAR ITSELF”.  Written by Matt Venne, who wrote Dario Argento’s “MASTERS OF HORROR” season 2 episode PELTS, SPOOKED concerns a sleazy cop turned private eye who picks up a divorce case that requires he stake out the mark from within a vacant house.  From night one it is clear the den is off.  From his post, Roberts sees lights go on in the target house across the street that his partner outside in the van does not.  Soon the voices and memories start.

What starts out as a promising yarn of a dirty cop haunted by his past dirty deeds, unfortunately devolves into a generic supernatural revenge flick by way of Venne’s obvious script. The main headlines of the plot fall into focus well before their unveiling and the side bullet points that Venne fills time with (Roberts’ childhood trauma) are unsatisfactory.

I suppose the concilatory thing to say is that SPOOKED is not the worst “FEAR ITSELF” episode yet.  It’s not even that bad of an episode.  Brad Anderson is capable enough to drop the soundstage vibe that permeated the premiere episode.  The ep looks and sounds great and even Eric Roberts gives a nice wry performance.  What holds it back is a strictly mediocre story wrung into an even more mediocre format.  Perhaps I should not be shocked to read on the IMDb that series creator Mick Garris was responsible for the story.  I like the idea of a bad cop forced to face the bad things he’s done, but neither Garris nor Venne provide a unique (or unpredictable) anchor for us as an audience to get worked up about.

An episode that is just, well, there.

Theatrical Trailers and Clips

• THE DESCENT 2 - Behind the Scenes
• BABYLON A.D. - I’m a sucker for D&D playing Vin Diesel when he does Sci-Fi.  Scorn me.

Studio News and Attachments

• Clive Barker wants people to write to Lionsgate to “save” MIDNIGHT MEAT TRAIN.

Remakes

• Rumor has it now that Josh Brolin is up for the remake role of Snake Plisken.
• Ali Lohan auditioning for the little gal in TROLL.
• MIRRORS really needs to up their marketing game.  I’m down for the flick, but man, all they’ve shown so far is Squaresville.

Indie, Foreign and Random News

• Although no one contacted him about it, Tom Jane wants the title role in undead comic adaptation HEX.  So he had a friend scar him up, take some pictures and send them unsolicited to Warner Brothers.  Further evidence as to why I love Tom Jane.  He cosplays.
• Victor Salva, of all folk, spills that he and Del Howison have been pitching a TV horror anthology called, of course, Dark Delicacies that would be hosted Hitchcock style by Clive Barker.
• KFC brings out their lawyers to stop THE KENTUCKY FRIEND HORROR SHOW.
• Nick Wechsler does the obvious thing and options THROTTLE, the novella written by Joe Hill and Stephen King that won’t even be published until 2009.
• On June 25th Spain gets an extensive, English language friendly DVD set that dives deep into the three short films of Nacho Cerda.  One of those is AFTERMATH, a masterpiece in my book.  If you’ve got a region free player, it’ll run you about $22 before shipping.

Indie/Foreign Trailers and Clips

*Crickets*

I’m not offended that horror got the cold shoulder - not even considering the unexpected inclusion/invention of a “Courtroom Drama” genre.  Likewise, however, I don’t want horror fans to give the cold shoulder to the AFI.  No one outside of the D.C. area will find this relevant, but I do live in the area and thus am granted the privilege of having the AFI Silver theater within driving distance.

Now I know that there are revivalist theaters peppered around the country, some that show horror with greater regularity, which renders this a tad less unique, but I find it hard to declare an entire institution does not take the horror genre seriously when they use their only theater to bring our genre’s treasures back to the big screen.  A theater that only has 3 screens in it, one might want to also point out. 

Just this past week, the AFI Silver screened FRIDAY THE 13TH PART III in its original 3D.  A few weeks earlier, you could have caught several Hitchcock masterpieces.  A few weeks before that was an entire David Lynch retrospective, equipped with encore screenings of ERASERHEAD.  Two years ago I missed a Cronenberg retrospective because I was at college, but as soon as I came back I was hitting up a midnight show of EVIL DEAD 2.  For last Halloween, the AFI not only played a vintage print of NOSFERATU, but had a live orchestra to accompany it.  They brought over a print of THE ORPHANAGE, months before it had its stateside run as well.  And those very few are just off the top of my head.

So I feel a twinge when I hear that the AFI shuns horror.  Lists are lists, changing lists is the whole point of making lists.   Lists, regardless of the author, always have the futility of an adult mayfly.  When it comes to respecting the horror genre, the American Film Institute is a champion in my book.  Despite what was on CBS the other night, I think they proved that when they ran a Sam Raimi splatterfest the same weekend as LAWRENCE OF ARABIA*, in their flagship theater no less.

*Seeing this in 75mm, by the way, is a film lover must.  I’m counting down the days til they bring it back every Sunday this summer.