All posts in the '2007' category


AMERICAN ZOMBIE Review. [Netflix Watch Instantly]

Directed by Grace Lee, 2007 Written by Grace Lee, Rebecca Sonnenshine Mockumentaries as anything other than comedy are damn near impossible to get right. A self-serious mockumentary, as with a horror movie without scares, is a recipe for disaster. Alas, AMERICAN ZOMBIE avoids failure on an epic level (something another recent zombiementary, THE ZOMBIE DIARIES […]

TRICK ‘R TREAT Review. [Fantastic Fest ’09]

Written and Directed by Michael Dougherty, 2007 Trick ‘r Treat is the holy grail of Halloween themed horror films. Not because of the notoriously long path writer-director Michael Dougherty’s film has had to take to finally get released (a refresher: TrT was finished and first shown back in 2007 and, despite an overwhelming reaction to […]

RESIDENT EVIL – UMBRELLA CHRONICLES (Wii) Review. [Best Rail-Gun Shooter for the Wii]

RESIDENT EVIL: UMBRELLA CHRONICLES Developed and Produced by Capcom, 2007 Being the fanboy I am of the RESIDENT EVIL series, I never learned my lesson with the previously released gun-games (RESIDENT EVIL:SURVIVOR & RESIDENT EVIL: DEAD AIM) and so I went ahead and bought the series omnibus spectacular, RE: UMBRELLA CHRONICLES. As for the story, […]

DEADBOX Review. [Paintball Horror in One Long Take?]

Directed by Robert Archer Lynn, 2007 Written by David Alford, Robert Archer Lynn To say that Peter and I have differing tastes in film is to say that Norman Rockwell painted slightly differently from Salvador Dali.  But since moving to Austin I have become fascinated with movie geek idiosyncrasies and relish the opportunity to explore […]

BLACKOUT Review. [Netflix Watch Instantly (Mis?)Adventures]

Editor’s Note: I’ve asked BrianK to explore the arid wasteland of Netflix’ Watch Instantly section once a week in search of lost treasures, the only important rule being his find cannot be a film anyone has ever told him anything about.  These are his results. Directed by Rigoberto Castañeda, 2007 Written by Ed Dougherty I […]

BioShock (Video Game) Review

Bioshock Developed By: 2K Games Published By: 2K Games “Welcome to Rapture” Never before have I seen a tagline to anything emanate more truth than BIOSHOCK’s. Rapture, an underwater city of the genetically damned with a chilling sensation that never relents with every single crafted item enforces the sensation and I mean everything. BIOSHOCK may […]

Review: TIMBER FALLS

Directed by Tony Giglio, 2007 Written by Daniel Kay TIMBER FALLS is an overall decent City Folk Shouldn’t Go Hiking flick with the potential to have been better were it not bookended by arguably the most over exposed horror set-up there is.  An attractive couple chipper enough to take a weekend long hike in the […]

Review: WIND CHILL

Directed by Gregory Jacobs, 2007 Written by Joe Gangemi & Steven Katz It has been so long since I’ve reviewed anything, I, for a second, forgot how to format these things.  One may have grown to expect the return would bring in hand an extraordinary, hidden horror elixir.  One is now disappointed.  Congratulations!  We have […]

Review: TIMECRIMES (Los Cronocrímenes)

Written and Directed by Nacho Vigalondo, 2007 Time travel is a hobby of mine. Well, in theory. Whether approaching it with the mind of a scientist or the mind of a storyteller, it is the ultimate logic puzzle.  The intricacies of cause and effect across multiple planes of existence, the construction (and, conversely, deconstruction) of […]

Review – Resident Evil 4: Wii Edition (Video Game)

Published and Developed by Capcom. 2005 I can remember when I first saw the E3 videos for RESIDENT EVIL 4. Leon Kennedy was walking in a mansion when a humanoid apparition appeared before him, chasing him out of the room. While the first videos had their freaky moments, I still sighed. The concept of ghosts […]

Review: THE SUBSTITUTE (aka VIKAREN)

Directed by Ole Bornedal, 2007 Written by Ole Bornedal, Henrik Prip There is a lot in this world I do not have a full grasp of.  Quantum computing, fluid dynamics, the undetermined arrival of The Singularity, chirality, and John McCain.  But the angry living dead aside, there is much I have taken the reins on, […]

Review: UNEARTHED

Written and Directed by Matthew Leutwyler, 2007 There is nothing worse than a creature feature unfit to even be considered a Sci-Fi channel original film.  Or so I thought right up to 93 minutes ago, when I elected to watch UNEARTHED on FearNET HD On-Demand.  Turns out the pain from said creature feature stings all […]

Review: WHITE NOISE 2: THE LIGHT

Directed by Patrick Lussier, 2007 Written by Matt Venne I’ve never seen the Michael Keaton starring WHITE NOISE nor do I know much about it other than his wife dies and then TVs start to yell at him.  Or maybe it was his radio.  I don’t know, I just heard it sucked so I never […]

Review: HANSEL & GRETEL

Directed by Pil-Sung Yim, 2007 Written Pil-Sung Yim, Min-sook Kim I once suckled on the cinematic teet of Asia.  Dramas, romantic comedies, action, horror – I was all over it.  Three years later, I’m all but over it.  I wish I knew whether it was me or the movies that changed, but they just don’t […]

Review: THE GIRLS REBEL FORCE OF COMPETITIVE SWIMMERS

Directed by Kôji Kawano, 2007 Written by Satoshi Ôwada Do not be deceived by the title of the year: THE GIRLS REBEL FORCE OF COMPETITIVE SWIMMERS.  Do not be deceived by a cover featuring swimsuit clad girls holding baseball bats and chainsaws.  Do not be deceived when I say that GIRLS REBEL FORCE features a […]

Review: ROGUE

Written and Directed by Greg Mclean, 2007 Giant crocodile movies are a dime a dozen and for a simple reason; they’re easy.  The nature of the animal covers the majority of elements for you.  It can go on land and can vanish in the water.  Long rows of jagged teeth, scaly skin and a realistic […]

Review: DIARY OF THE DEAD

Written and Directed by George A. Romero, 2007 I cringe thinking it. I cringe. And yet the thought is no longer figurative, but empirical. A chain of words that have lost their requirement for a question mark at the end: George A. Romero is no longer relevant. Cringe. I don’t think it is particularly good, […]

Review: FRONTIER(S)

Written and Directed by Xavier Gens, 2007 Perfect timing for me to appear hypocritical over two superficially similar French flicks. I lauded the shallow film INSIDE despite being a gore show with nary a story to tell and I am now going to proceed to, um, non-laud FRONTIER(S) for being a gore show with nary […]

Review: TEETH

Written and Directed by Mitchell Lichtenstein, 2007 It took three years for the world over to generate a peer to Edgar Wright’s unassailable masterpiece SHAUN OF THE DEAD. The time is finally upon us and it is with a wave of relief that I am honored to declare a heroic cohort in the horror comedy […]

Review: INSIDE

Directed by Alexandre Bustillo and Julien Maury, 2007 Written by Alexandre Bustillo Centerfold to French horror nu-waver-cum-2007-fest-favorite INSIDE is, well, a festival of gore the crimson of which you’ve likely not seen in a while. I am normally not wont to praise a film whose visual brutality takes precedent over story, but there is an […]

Review: [REC]

Directed by Jaume Balagueró, Paco Plaza, 2007 Written by Jaume Balagueró, Luis Berdejo, Paco Plaza There is a cold efficiency to [REC] that I never imagined I would admire from a film. It has no character development. None whatsoever. Zip. Zero. Nunca. [REC] is a conveyor belt horror film, a linear path one steps on […]

Review: Saw IV

Directed by Darren Lynn Bousman, 2008Written by Patrick Melton, Marcus Dunstan I am writing this review on my cellphone*.  Why?  Well, because my computer is upstairs and I am downstairs, but I also find no evidence to believe the screenwriters of SAW IV used a real word processor, either, so it seems an appropriate fit.  […]

Review: Storm Warning

Directed by Jamie Blanks, 2007Written by Everett De Roche I’ve been circling STORM WARNING for weeks now, always suggesting to watch it, always finding an excuse not to, often landing on the knowledge it was made by the guy who did URBAN LEGEND. The IMDb plot description did little more to muster interest, "A yuppie […]

Review: Hostel: Part II

Written and Directed by Eli Roth, 2007 Are you or have you ever been a dog owner?  Has said dog ever had problems with diarrhea?  Were you relieved when he or she returned to depositing firm mounds?  If yes, Congratulations, you can now relate to what HOSTEL: PART 2 is! Is it appropriate to commend […]

Review: Right at Your Door

Written and Directed by Chris Gorak, 2007 I’ve always lamented that we Americans have no iconic cultural fears. Asian countries have cornered the market on ghost films because of genuine, widespread reservations about the after life and trapped spirits. Saying the word Chupacabra out loud in select Latin American countries is akin to inviting the […]

Review: Croc

Directed by Stewart Raffill, 2007Written by Ken Solarz Put a bullet in the brain pan of any standing objectives planned for today. Obtain Croc. Netflix it. Blockbuster it. Go to Best Buy and steal it. Obtain Croc. Also obtain a platitude of alcohol of choice as well as friends to consume both with. Make no […]

Review: Mulberry Street

Directed by Jim Mickle, 2007Written by Nick Damici and Jim Mickle Hand picked for last year’s After Dark Horrorfest, Mulberry Street – the epileptic feature film debut of  Jim Mickle – features rats in Manhattan biting people and, by process of an unaccountable plot, turning the infected into ‘roided up rat-esque creatures. Set in and […]

Mini-Review!: Murder Party

I introduce to you, intrepid and sexy reader, the Mini-Review!  We pour through quite the volume of film each week and while I’d love to write a lengthy review for everything, truth is a lot of the time the magic don’t muster.  Times it be the dreaded block of the writer, other times I can’t […]

Review: The Orphanage (El Orfanato)

Directed by Juan Antonio Bayona, 2007Written by Sergio G. Sánchez I lost a lot of money today. For me a hitherto unprecedented amount of money. Not quite, “I’ll put that in my mouth for $5 so I can eat tonight” kind of money, rather “Fuck Apple stock, shots all around!” kind of money. But you […]

Review: I Am Legend

Directed by Francis LawrenceWritten by Mark Protosevich and Akiva Goldsman, based on the novel by Richard Matheson The most offensive thing about the newest adaptation of Richard Matheson’s indelible classic is that it has the temerity to call itself I Am Legend. Maybe the producers considered the age of the original novel and thought no […]

Review: The Mist

Directed and Adapted for the Screen by Frank Darabont from Stephen King’s Novella, 2007 I have a tendency to be hyperbolic in immediate praise of any movie that really does something for me. As a type of critic, this is a sure flaw, but please understand that I am making a conscious effort to tone […]

Review: Alone

Written and Directed by Banjong Pisanthanakun and Parkpoom Wongpoom, 2007 I imported Shutter on a whim nearly three years ago.  This was when I was going to FSU, living by myself in a one-bedroom.  More specifically, it was during a period when I was watching Asian films almost exclusively — somewhere in the neighborhood of 12+ […]

Review: The Tripper

Directed by David Arquette, 2006*Written by David Arquette & Joe Harris The ingredients for The Tripper are indeed peculiar.  Peace loving hippies at a music festival in the deep woods, a man in a Ronald Reagan mask slaying festival goers, Thomas Jane as a police office, Paul Ruebens as the festival promoter, Jason Mewes as […]

Review: 30 Days of Night (Film)

Directed by David Slade, 2007Written by Steve Niles and Stuart Beattie and Brian Nelson Despite all of the sub-genres, all the crossovers and all the remakes, there are only two kinds of horror films, each defined within five minutes of its run time; 1) that which opens with a brutal slaying of a character unimportant […]

Review: Return to House on Haunted Hill – HD DVD

Directed by Víctor García, 2007Written by William Massa The second viewer choice to be made during this experiment in story delivery comes when an Asian woman is trapped in a room with two nude female ghosts who stroke and surround her as if the decaying operating room they are in were nothing more than the […]

Review: The Reaping

Directed by Stephen Hopkins, 2007Written by Carey Hayes & Chad Hayes, Story by Brian Rousso Remember when The Reaping kept having its release pushed farther and farther back, the studio omen that they don’t have faith in what they just bank rolled?  And then when it finally came out, everyone hated it?  Well, technically not […]

Review: Ice Spiders

Directed by Tibor Takács, 2007Written by Eric Miller Remember Patrick Muldoon, the douchebaggy pilot who tried to break up the star crossed love of Casper Van Dien and Denise Richards in Starship Troopers?  Ever wondered what he was up to these days?  Ice Spiders.  Yes, Ice Spiders.  Ice Fucking Spiders is what he is up […]

Review: Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon

Directed by Scott Glosserman, 2007Written by Scott Glosserman, David J. Stieve The horror genre can easily be imagined as a toy crane machine.  Optimists high on past successes slide in dollar bill after dollar bill in wishful attempts to grab hold of something once again worth time and money.  Anyone controlling that seductive tri-claw of […]

Review: Halloween (2007)

Directed by Rob Zombie, 2007Written by Rob Zombie; original screenplay by John Carpenter and Debra Hill "Give them nothing!  But take from them everything!" That line from 300 kept running through my sporadically idle mind while watching Rob Zombie’s Halloween.  Zombie took everything that makes Halloween work and gave nothing back.  He gave nothing to […]

Review: Heart-Shaped Box (Novel)

Written by Joe Hill, 2007 The only reason Heart-Shaped Box caught my eye was because I know Joe Hill is Stephen King’s eldest son.  This is exactly why Joesph Hillstrom King writes under a pseudonym, but this is inevitably a burden he’ll just have to deal with.  I can think of far worse weights to […]

Review: Disturbia

Directed by D.J. Caruso, 2007Written by Christopher B. Landon and Carl Ellsworth There is no reason to do a song and dance around what you and I both expect Disturbia to be.  It is an unofficial Rear Window with teenagers for teenagers directed by a guy who thinks he is a teenager, using two letter […]

Review: Primeval

Directed by Michael Katleman, 2007Written by John D. Brancato & Michael Ferris Nature run amok.  Crocodiles going ape shit.  You’ve seen Lake Placid.  Or Crocodile.  Or Crocodile 2: Death Swamp.  Or Lake Placid 2.  Or Dinocroc.  Or Krocodylus.  Or the upcoming, unrelated, duo of Rogue and Black Water… Point is, it seems that all these […]

Review: 3 Dead Girls DVD

In case anyone has escaped the unsolicited promotion of Indie artist Christopher Alan Broadstone’s new DVD, 3 Dead Girls, here is yet another run down: 3DG is the newly available compilation of Broadstone’s award winning short films; Scream For Me, My Skin, and Human No More. Listed Features: New Hi-Def Transfer of Scream for Me […]

Review: Sunshine

Directed by Danny Boyle, 2007Written by Alex Garland Confession: I like Sci-Fi more than I do Horror.  Considerably more, actually, but true Science Fiction, good or bad, is also considerably rarer.   Which is why it gives me great pleasure to write about Sunshine.  Not only do I get to  talk about something different for a […]

Review: Dead Silence

Directed by James Wan, 2007Written by Leigh Whannell Full of emptiness, Dead Silence’s script was surely scrapped together after the Saw duo decided they wanted to somehow make a movie about dummies.  They certainly didn’t set out to tell a morbid coming home story, a murder mystery or a quiet chiller.  All of those things […]

Review: 1408

Directed by Mikael Håfström, 2007Written by Matt Greenberg and Scott Alexander & Larry Karaszewski; from Stephen King’s short story Two of 2007s most promising genre features take their cues from the short form of the Crimson King.  The Mist, directed by the proven Frank Darabont, and 1408, helmed by the relatively new Mikael Håfström.  The […]

Review: 28 Weeks Later

Directed by Juan Carlos Fresnadillo, 2007Written by Juan Carlos Fresnadillo and Rowan Joffe & Jesús Olmo, Enrique López Lavigne The torch has been passed.  Not just from original 28 Days director Danny Boyle to 28 Weeks director Juan Carlos Fresnadillo, but from the apocalyptic consumer cannibalism of Romero’s Dead -ilogy to today’s Rage infected culture […]

Review: Lake Placid 2

Directed by David Flores, 2007Written by Todd Hurvitz, Howie Miller I am not going to bother wasting my time writing a formal review of Lake Placid 2.  I am simply going to transcribe the first 2 minutes of the script, anything else you need to know can be extrapolated from this inspired exchange: "Man, this […]

Review: Sublime

Directed by Tony Krantz, 2007Written by Erik Jendresen Make no mistake, Raw Feed jumped off to a forgettable start with Rest Stop.  That flick did practically nothing right (except remind that Joey Laurence was still alive) and if popular opinion is to be believed – here’s looking at you IMDB and Rotten Tomatoes – the […]

Review: Grindhouse

Written and Directed by Robert Rodriguez (Planet Terror) and Quentin Tarantino (Death Proof) I’ll not begin to pretend that I have any palpable knowledge of Grindhouses.  They mean nothing to me.  They lived and died before I even lived.  Their movies are lost to me, their directors are lost to me, their style is lost […]


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