Things I Learned from MALIBU SHARK ATTACK.

Goblin Sharks are:

• Prehistoric,
• Once thought to be extinct,
• Unseen for millions of years,
• “probably blind”, but have “electrosensory organs”,
• Not bothered by nail guns or rotary saws,

Goblin Sharks can:

• Eat anyone just by swimming towards them, no need to actually bite,
• Phase shift themselves through wood floors when convenient,
• Swim faster than a jet ski,
• Be blown up by bottles of Windex and a flare gun,
• Jump out of the water and grab people, despite being, ya’ know, blind,

Peta Wilson looks very sad all of the time, like someone either just ran over her dog or she saw herself on a monitor.  And apparently she’s down for a threesome when all is said and done.

The familiar looking blond chic in the bikini is apparently not important enough to list on the paltry IMDB page (Neither is Peta Wilson, for that matter.).  I almost went insane trying to figure out where I recognized her from.  She’s the tanning bed girl, aka the best death in FINAL DESTINATION 3.

When Navy Seals retire, they become lifeguards in Malibu.

SHARKS IN VENICE was not Syfy’s low-point.

James Lipton needs to do an Inside the Actor’s Studio episode with the graphic above.

Tags: Goblin Shark Attack, Malibu Shark Attack, SyFy, Syfy original