The Evening Write: Welcome to the SyFy Channel: We’re Clueless.

Posted by Peter Hall - March 16th 2009 @ 9:44 pm

No one on the internet understands why on July 7th the Sci-Fi channel will be renamed SyFy.  I point out that no one on the Internet understands because no one in the real world gives a damn, which is why this re-branding is foolish beyond the telling of it.

Personally I don’t care what they call the channel.  Rename it the Heartbreaking Network of Staggering Genius, it’s still a vortex of shit (I can’t stop watching).  At least with the Wii Nintendo coined a new word.  Not only is SyFy how an illiterate child would spell the genre, but it also should be phonetically pronounced SeeFee.  Hell, even the unfinished sentence copy on the new website smacks (intentionally?) of incomplete thought, amazing considering this change has been in the works for a while now.  Upon first reading about it a few months ago I assumed the attempt at proprietary trademarking was too sardonic to ever see the cathode light of a geek basement.

It’s an embarrassing, futile turn for the network, in and of itself an impressive undertaking considering no one thought the outlet could fall farther away from its mission statement than airing prime time professional wrestling.  I wasn’t before, but starting July 7th I’ll be embarrassed to watch MEGA SHARK VERSUS GIANT OCTOPUS.

Le sigh.

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rss 10 comments
  1. March 16th, 2009 | 10:13 pm | #1

    Regardless what it is called, I will never be embarrassed to watch MEGA SHARK VERSUS GIANT OCTOPUS. The women that I force to watch then walk out of my apartment about 30 minutes in, never to talk to me again are different stories.

  2. March 17th, 2009 | 10:38 am | #2

    I’m tired of these caveman-speak slogans. Pepsi: “More Happy.” SyFy: “Imagine Greater.” Next up, Best Buy: “We Am Good.”

  3. John
    March 17th, 2009 | 10:52 am | #3

    All that name brings to mind is Sifl and Olly.

    Will there be more sock puppet programming?

  4. R.J. Sayer
    March 17th, 2009 | 11:19 am | #4

    after this friday i shall be officially done with that particular channel anyway (can’t seem to bring myself to type the new name without having a seizure).

  5. R.J. Sayer
    March 17th, 2009 | 11:21 am | #5

    Matt, if the chicks you know can’t handle some fucking Shark-on-Octopus shit, then you need to start pursuing a better stock of female.

  6. joefitz
    March 18th, 2009 | 10:29 am | #6

    i was going to write up a really snarky comment about the lack of sci fi on sci fi (or syfy) but i just cant do it. the chanel never really was that great no matter how fondly my memory wants to treat it.

    nice eggers reference btw.

  7. Matt
    March 18th, 2009 | 2:15 pm | #7

    Aside from the Twilght Zone marathon on new years eve and Battlestar (which almost done anyway) i’m not sure i’d miss it if they went off the air.

  8. March 18th, 2009 | 10:37 pm | #8

    The ability to enjoy Shark Attack 3 is part of my female screening process RJ. If they aren’t much of a “fucking Shark-on-Octopus shit” lover, then I’m not gonna be much of a dinner buyer.

  9. Domina
    July 9th, 2009 | 4:10 am | #9

    It is a sad attempt to separate themselves from the ‘evil’ that is the term Sci-Fi, which brings to the uneducated mind, images of fan boys in bad Klingon suits having discussions on which is better the Millenium Falcon or the Enterprise A. Which is no longer true, however marketing hipsters playing with their pocket blackberries haven’t gotten that yet. Every major network has science fiction of some kind rattling about. And some of us females do love Shark vs. Octopus shit. Try looking for someone with a larger IQ than her bust size.

  10. Erik
    February 16th, 2011 | 2:03 am | #10

    I would really love a reasonable explanation why one of the best shows on syfy Stargate Universe was cancelled and Sactuary continues. I love amanda tapping but come on. SGU had a good cast interesting characters that felt more real than any other stargate series. Visual effects were the some of the best I’ve seen on a syfy series. It’s messed up how they left you hanging. Shame on you syfy. I think I speak for the millions of stargate fans out there when I say what the fuck were thinkin droppin it. fuck ratings fuck money. What ever happened to just making something that was good and had great potential for any direction. You have disappointed me and I no longer watch your stupid network for fear of being left hanging again.

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