On Sunday Scott Weinberg of Cinematical brought to the attention of the internets a FEARNet interview in which Uwe Boll pledged to oblige a petition requesting he stop making movies if said petition garnered one million signatures. It spread like dreadful Chocolate Rain, jumping from 18,000 signatures on Sunday to over 146,000 on Tuesday. I have great doubt it’ll even crack half a mil, yet alone a million, but that is neither here nor there because Uwe Boll has already issued a video response.
Correction. Uwe Boll has already issued a video response straight to my heart:
“Look, I’m not a fucking retard like Michael Bay or other people running around in the business or Eli Roth making the same shitty movies over and over again. If you really look in my movies, you will see my real genius, you know. And if you go on May 23 and Postal, you will see that I deliver a movie what nobody else delivered in the last 10 years, what is way better as all that social critic George Clooney bullshit what you get every fucking weekend. So you have to really wake up and see me what I am. I’m the only genius in the whole fucking business.”
I love it. I love it, I love it, I love it! That is how you talk shit! With exuberance, with confidence! With hilarious abandon for all evidence. No retreat. When someone talks trash to you, which is what that petition was, you walk right up to their face, right past reasonable middle ground and that is where you draw the line in the sand. And then you extend that line to people who had nothing to do with the argument. AND THEN you accuse other people of being ignorant. That’s the key right there. Reckless disproportion.
Now, If he only he would become King Crazy and tell an unprovoked Eli Roth his Grandmother’s cunt tastes like skeletons. I would surrender every dime I have and ever will have right to him. Just before trying to cling to my escaping spirit a la the laughing weasels.