the nominees usually make me nod a lot, scratch my head a couple times. the winners always make me groan.

this year, the nominees had me throwing my arms up in the air and screaming “FUCK YOU!” at my computer. if it weren’t for the twelve hour day on my gig quickly approaching, these winners would have me prison-fucking my own liver with countless cans and bottles of whatever-booze-i-could-find by sundown.

RIGHT AT YOUR DOOR isn’t science fiction, either (as far as i’m concerned). i’d call it “science fart.” no… wait… just “fart.”

and no, peter, SWEENEY TODD is not a “fine film.” far fucking from it, in fact. tim burton is a washed-up hack who needs to quit while we still remember he’s the guy who directed BEETLEJUICE. god help him if we ever forget that fact.

oh, and tim, you’ve been out of high school for decades, the goth act ain’t spooky no more.

speaking of prison-fucking, PLANET OF THE APES REMAKE.

OH SNAP!

sorry, about the lack of reviews, guys. i’ve been busy as shit and haven’t had time to WATCH anything, let alone write about it. i have a slacker week coming up in about a fortnight, though. so expect something around then.

I’d actually include THE LAST MIMIZY in the Sci-Fi noms, but the rest are shit noms. STARDUST should have crushed ENCHANTED in best Fantasy. And the horror short list? Christ. GHOST RIDER!?!?! ARE THEY FUCKING BRAIN DEAD? WHO ARE THESE FUCKING TOOLS!?!?!

I’m all for the PTA love, but why the shit are they even mentioning THERE WILL BE BLOOD (let alone as an action/adventure/thriller)? And if they are going to bring it up, what special kind of an asshole would EVER say that Will Smith was better than Daniel Day Lewis? Ohmafuckinggod.

Shit. How can you get worse than that nominee list AND those winners? Fuck me.

As for R.J. I dunno where he has been. Certainly not writing any reviews. The bum. (Me on the other hand, I’ve certainly not been writing any Box Office analysis. Oops.)

http://www.saturnawards.org/nominations.html