Written and Directed by Steven Kostanski, 2008

Einstein is back from the dead again(!) in LAZER GHOSTS 2: RETURN TO LASER COVER, a timeless 2008 sequel to Canadian auteur Steven Kostanski’s own groundvaporizing subversive classic. Our unsung hero of heroes Trance (Matthew Kennedy) is still shaken up over the death of his best friend Bennedict when a slew of new murders begin to crop up. Detective Stamp, a cop so rogue he makes Harvey Keitel look like the pope, suspects Trance is involved with the mutilations. Who else would be so cold as to cauterize giant chest wounds with “fuckin’ lasers”?

Einstein, of course! The Menace from Württemberg has returned from his first go around, this time (after)hellbent on constructing the perfect laser. That’s right; a green laser! Piling saltiest of salt on rubbed raw wounds is the return of slain pal Bennedict, sent from the afterlife to join the new ragtag squad of apocalypse haters; Trance, Ghost Bennedict, Detective Stamp and a sultry scientist Chase Jones (Meredith Sweeney).

There is no subtle way to put this: LAZER GHOSTS 2: RETURN TO LASER COVE is Grade A+++, Top Shelf, Genre Warping perfection that I would have no difficulty believing strolled across an Einstein-Rosen Bridge from 1986. Steven Kostanski’s brilliance radiates from page and screen. A wiley-but-intimate understanding of the niche we live in is rarely this flawless in final video product. Give LG2:RTLC 9 minutes and 19 seconds of your time and your week – nay, your month(!) will be made. A band of Laser Ghosts could have just killed your family, punted your dog and broken your leg and even still, seeing this will cure all your woes. I’m no Chase Jones, but I do believe that watching it has been proven to mend a shattered tibia.

The effects are, naturally, ahead of the student short film curve. Gregory Nicotero and Howard Berger may as well vote out Robert Kurtzman and adopt Kostanski, because 2008 has never seen such visual treasures. The score is a lucid piece of work that will haunt your stereophonic MIDI dreams. Even the title credits will drop your teeth. Eat your heart out, Ghost Recon 2!

Steven Kostanski’s hilarious heartfelt/heart pounding script has everything (except a mnemonic device to help spell his last name). Constant nose bleeds! Unbridled Sexuality! Mind blowing terror! Etheral/corporeal drug addiction! A Fucking Shitstorm of Ghosts! Even a Gods damned Lasernomicon! All packed into more sets than an episode of “THE WEST WING”.  The mad science integration of it all is, dare I say, even better than “GARTH MARENGHI’S DARKPLACE.”

Except for the fact that we see Undead Asshole Einstein siphon from the heavens the gargantuan power of the green laser (in a spine chilling sequence, I am obliged to add) and yet he fights in the climax with some pussy red beam (what’s the deal with that, Kostanski!?) my only grievance with LAZER GHOSTS 2: RETURN TO LASER COVE is that it ends.

Oh, and that it isn’t a real movie (though you can bet your ass this is going in a Top of ‘08 list). This is the most disappointed I’ve been since learning Hogwarts was not a real school of Witchcraft and Wizardry. And yet saying LAZER GHOSTS 2: RETURN TO LASER COVE is just a student’s short film is like saying George W. Bush is just a dumb guy. Such an understatement.

Steven Kostanski is the greatest cock tease the horror/sci-fi/laser ghost genre has ever had the privilege of knowing. You can see LAZER GHOSTS 2: RETURN TO LASER COVE at Astron 6 Video International and check out the personal website of the genius behind it here.  I could not recommend clicking those links more.

I’m off to go get that title tattooed on my back.

Tags: Steven Kostanski