In case you missed it, Rob “FAST AND THE FURIOUS” Cohen told BD that Paramount had finally horded together all of the proper licenses and that he would be producing a remake of THE MONSTER SQUAD. The Internet, as it is wont to do, imploded with the soundless thud of nerds everywhere collapsing their weary heads against boards of keys.
Is this a surprise to anyone? It shouldn’t be. THE MONSTER SQUAD may have lingered in rights limbo for decades, but no one forgot about it. The sales of the sweet Lionsgate disk proved that. So from a fiscal POV, of course it makes sense. All remakes make sense under the green monocle. Yet the biggest reason no one should be surprised by the news is the very reason they are all so inflamed; THE MONSTER SQUAD is fuckin’ awesome.
You know why Rob Cohen wants to put together a remake? Because the movie kicks ass. I know it. You know it. And if you and I know it, Rob Cohen damn well knows it seeing as he produced the effin’ thing twenty-one years ago.
Ask yourself this, if you loved a movie from your childhood (or in this case, your early career) and you suddenly had the money and power to do so, wouldn’t you remake it? Wouldn’t you want to share it with a new generation? I don’t buy this common, “Is nothing sacred to these people?!?!” mentality that crowds comment sections the tubes over. Sure Neal “I’m making this movie to give Peter Hall an aneurysm” Moritz can’t roll out of his OVER 9000 thread count Egyptian cotton sheets without greenlighting 5 remakes, but every now and then some movies get remade because people care about the material. In my book Number 1 and Number 2 in the Best Horror Films Evarr list are remakes.
Rob Cohen may be a rain cloud in the director’s chair, but I doubt he wants to produce a MONSTER SQUAD remake strictly for the paycheck; considering he already stated he doesn’t want to direct, I consider that a great thing. I’m not saying the movie needs a remake or that a remake will be any good, I’ve just grown tired of all the bitching and moaning that comes with each and every remake announcement. The details are sparse and purely speculative at this point yet already people are demanding blood.
It was inevitable. Get over it, get up and go buy a copy of THE RUINS already. If you want original studio horror, you have got to pay the price. If the news of THE MONSTER SQUAD remake truly pisses you off that much AND you neither saw THE RUINS in theaters nor bought it at retail two weeks ago, well then I don’t want to hear it. If you haven’t checked off at least one of those boxes, the blame for all these remakes is on you. If we don’t give them a reason to make original (or adapted) horror, what in the fuck are you expecting to happen?