Last Week in Horror we got a horn of plenty in the news department - and not just because set photos from JENNIFER’S BODY leaked. First off, not one, but two sentences in this post start with the words David Lynch. As if that wasn’t enough, one of those sentences contains the words Werner Herzog and the other Alejandro Jodorowsky.

Not only did Val Kilmer get attached to a creature feature, but one with the most ’80s title of the ’00s. Someone somewhere woke up and realized the reason their bed was so uncomfortable is because they were sleeping on piles of gold coins in the form of the film rights to GOOSEBUMPS. Also, I believe there is some bullshit news out there, though major horror outlets decided to run with it anyway: IN THE MOUTH OF MADNESS is being remade (if forum posts are to be believed).

Finally, in a sadlarious ending to all this Uwe Boll news, turns out distributors are boycotting POSTAL. So…all that awesome video huffin’ was fo’ nuffin’.

Oh, and I meant to mention.  I was on The Consumerist last week!  In short; Comcast can’t keep up so they want to fire me as a customer!  Weeeeeeeeeee!

Theatrical Trailers and Clips

• THE MUMMY: TOMB OF THE DRAGON EMPEROR - Sorry
• THE X-FILES: I WANT TO BELIEVE - Trailer
• THE HAPPENING - Red Band trailer
• “FRINGE” - Finally some solid looking network sci-horror
• “DOLLHOUSE” - Gotta admit, I’m pretty underwhelmed by this promo for Whedon’s return to TV

Studio News and Attachments

• Holy Awesome! Val Kimer cast in an “eco-creature feature” (didn’t I just say we’d be seeing more eco themed horror?) called THE THAW. It’s about a parasite that comes back to life out of de-iced mammoth, which is cool with me, but I’m all about that name alone. You’ve just sold a ticket based on your very ’80s title.
• After Dark Films scores THE BUTTERFLY EFFECT 3.
• DANCE OF THE DEAD gets snagged up by Lionsgate and the new tentacle Ghost House Underground.
• SAW IV drops this October’s part V director David Hackl in favor of Kevin Greutert, who has edited every entry in the series. SAW XXII to be directed by SAW IX’s Best Boy.
• Joe Dante to direct AICN’s staff writer’s/screenwriters first feature length script BAT OUT OF HELL.
• Kim Henkel has written a new, Platinum Dunes free sequel to his original TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE bloodline.
• A non-vampire TWILIGHT is in production as well, this one an adaptation of William Gay’s novel about an undertaker’s necro undertakings in a small Southern town.
• FINAL DESTINATION 4 will not only have a surely absurd NASCAR crash in 3D, but nudity as well. Exxxxxxtrrrrreeeeeeeeemmmeeee nipppleeesss!!!

Remakes

• It appears multiple mainstream horror news sites have picked up on a forum post declaring an IN THE MOUTH OF MADNESS remake is in the work. I don’t believe it for a second. If bloggers want to keep seeking this holy grail of being considered proper journalists, maybe they should go do some fact checking and simply not run forum posts as news.
• The complete casting call for NIGHT OF THE DEMONS.
• The Platinum Dunes official blog over at Bloody-Disgusting is run by exec producer Brad Fuller. You can read his flair for mediocre news here, but more importantly just read the comments.
• David Cronenberg may be directing the TIMECRIMES remake.
• GOOSEBUMPS! GOOSEBUMPS!! GOOSEBUMPS!!!

Indie, Foreign and Random News

• David Lynch and Werner Herzog are teaming up to produce MY SON, MY SON, a film whose description was destined for these two.
• David Lynch’s production outfit is pushing along a new “metaphysical spaghetti gangster film” starring Nick Nolte, Asia Argento, Marilyn Manson and Undo Kier. Oh, and did I mention is being directed by Alejandro Jodorowsky? No big deal.
• Britain does LESBIAN VAMPIRE KILLERS about a town whose women have been converted and must offer up two lads as a sacrifice.
• KILLDROID is about a “Goth girl” who discovers an abandoned military project to make killers out of dead soldiers. Oh, and they apparently also were engineered to bone Goth girls. Note: judging from the stills at this link, no one involved with KILLDROID has any idea what a Goth girl looks like.
• The Weinstein Company gobbles up another potential hit to sit on their shelves; EDEN LAKE.
• When news came out Meagan Fox would be topless in JENNIFER’S BODY, some fools balked along the lines of, “Her hair will cover up the good bits.” Not so. Oh how not so.

Indie/Foreign Trailers and Clips

• SQUEAL - Trailer
• CHAINSAW CHEERLEADERS - Trailer
• TERROR PROJECT SIX - Teaser