I must be upfront. This post is a ruse meant to take the place of a later post. A blog equivalent of a Snickers bar. However, the reason for my lack of posts over the past two weeks still is not ready for prime time. So instead of that future piece of hard hitting journalism, which will take another week to prepare, at least, I give you this piece of information:

I have compiled a spreadsheet on my computer whose nerdiness is frankly fucking ridiculous. Found within the dark corners of my Excel cavern is a buffet of unnecessary information. Not only have I amassed a list of every theatrical horror film to play in over 500 theaters since the year 2000, but I have entered all manner of accessible data from their originality status (remake? adaptation?) to their opening weekend box office to their per theater average to their return on budget. I am no longer content with knowing that PG-13 slop like PROM NIGHT can pull in a $20 million opening weekend. I want to know just how much of a financial incentive there is to making a PG-13 horror film versus one with an R rating.

I must admit, the results are, to me at least, fascinating (Spoiler Alert: All is not as it Seems!) . While I have the results from the first round of comparisons (simple domestic box office averages, per theater averages, international totals, return on budget, critical rating etc), I have not yet made satisfactory charts, graphs and holographic projections of the final data. So, until then, I leave you with the list. I have tried to be as exhaustive as possible in reaching my theatrical count of 101 titles, but I am sure I’ve missed some. If you can think of a horror film (not Sci-Fi, not Spoof — horror) not on this list, please let me know and I’ll factor it into the dataset. Remember, the only qualification is that it has to have been released in wider than 500 theaters (and be closed at both a domestic and international box office, which is why THE RUINS, PROM NIGHT, and DOOMSDAY are not on there) and released after 2000.

1408

28 Days Later

28 Weeks Later

30 Days of Night

Alien VS Predator

Aliens Vs Predator: Requiem

Anacondas: The Hunt for Blood Orchid

Black Christmas

Blair Witch 2

Boogeyman

Cabin Fever

Captivity

Cloverfield

Cry_Wolf

Cursed

Dark Water

Darkness

Darkness Falls

Dawn of the Dead

Dead Silence

Disturbia

Doom

Dracula 2000

Eight Legged Freaks

Exorcist: The Beginning

Fear dot com

Final Destination

Final Destination 2

Final Destination 3

Freddy Vs Jason

Ghost Ship

Ghosts of Mars

Godsend

Grindhouse

Halloween

Halloween: Resurrection

High Tension

Hostel

Hostel Part II

House of 1000 Corpses

House of the Dead

House of Wax

I Am Legend

Jason X

Jeepers Creepers

Jeepers Creepers 2

Land of the Dead

One Missed Call

Open Water

P2

Primeval

Pulse

Resident Evil

Resident Evil: Apocalypse

Resident Evil: Extinction

Saw

Saw II

Saw III

Saw IV

Scream 3

Secret Window

See No Evil

Seed of Chucky

Shaun of the Dead

Silent Hill

Skinwalkers

Slither

Snakes on a Plane

Stay Alive

TCM: The Beginning

Texas Chainsaw Massacre

The Amityville Horror

The Cave

The Descent

The Devil’s Rejects

The Eye

The Fog

The Forsaken

The Grudge

The Grudge 2

The Hills Have Eyes

The Hills Have Eyes 2

The Hitcher

The Invasion

The Messengers

The Mist

The Omen

The Orphanage

The Others

The Reaping

The Ring

The Ring Two

The Wicker Man

Thirteen Ghosts

Turistas

Urban Legends: Final Cut

Vacancy

When a Stranger Calls

White Noise

Wolf Creek

Wrong Turn

That’s all for now.  Until the groundbreaking science finds its way to the interwebs, want to know the cumulative international box office returns for horror of all ratings since 2000?

$7,041,665,676.

Over Seven Billion Dollars.  From only 101 movies AND does not include any fiscal information regarding DVD sales, merchandise sales or TV licensing fees.