I am an insecure failure, send me to the glue factory. Fuck it, afk, taking on the world.

Posted by Peter Hall - July 28th 2008 @ 8:48 pm
[You are Entering a wormhole to what may as well be a LiveJournal entry]

That about sums my reaction to a chain of events earlier today that reminded me how terrible I am.  First, the preface, in case one or two of you who have yet to listen to me cry into my own glass of Jack:  When I was 18 I wrote a horror movie.  When I was 19, I tried to make that movie.  My woeful lack of preparation was rivaled only by my lack of talent.  There is no disputing the validity of its failure, only the magnitude of its retardation is up for grabs.

All the same, I still hold that it was a story worth telling, worth filming.  It has become my white whale.  I think about it every single day.  I’ve rewritten it 3 times in my head.  This last take, the one so close to being put back on paper, works, though.  I couldn’t be more excited about wanting to make the movie, but I just keep putting it off, keep finding things to do in my spare time other than rewrite THE LAN.  Which is inexcusably stupid considering one of the actors originally involved wants to throw at least 30 grand at a remake next year.

But I’ve never felt more confident that one day this site will host a trailer for a final, legit production of THE LAN than I have as I type this.  And the reason?  I found out someone else is working on a LAN party horror movie. 

While I was sitting on my ass today not writing the script as I should be, I was flipping through a Cinematical gallery of folk at Comic-Con.  In the mix, not labeled, was this picture; two women in undead makeup wearing tank tops that read LAN PARTY MASSACRE.

With a jaw still dropped and a heart deflated I managed to attempt to look up the uncredited flick.  No IMDB, no Wiki entry, but Google found it.  I watched the promo, which thankfully could not be farther from my vision of a LAN party horror movie, and it was a like a 12 step program condensed into a fistful of seconds and rammed in the one vulnerable spot I have.  I need to turn my shit around.  It may be running on 5 years since I first talked about it (fuck me, has it really been 5?  Terrible.), but I Am Getting It Together.

I’m opening Word back up tonight.  Thanks LAN PARTY MASSACRE, I hate you for getting to the finish line before me, but thanks for the rude awakening.  I will stop being a lazy cunt.

And I’ll be sure to thank you in the credits.

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rss 8 comments
  1. tj
    July 28th, 2008 | 9:36 pm | #1

    you are the RoyalCunt after all. that sucks though. when you finish and production begins, i’ll take the comic relief role, kthx<3

  2. R.J. Sayer
    July 29th, 2008 | 11:00 am | #2

    the NIGHT OF THE DEMONS remake announcement did the same thing to me a while back.

  3. R.J. Sayer
    July 29th, 2008 | 11:02 am | #3

    p.s. – GO FOR IT! YOU GOT IT, MAN! PWN IT!!!1!!11

    now listen to “Gonna Fly Now” and punch some hanging, dead cows.

    or… you know… write.

  4. Matt W
    July 29th, 2008 | 6:37 pm | #4

    I’ll see you at the midnight showing of The Lan good sir.

  5. July 29th, 2008 | 10:28 pm | #5

    haha I’m the girl on the right… it has a wiki.. my friends wrote it, they’ve been talking about it for years too =) Happy to hear the ideas are different.

  6. July 30th, 2008 | 9:31 pm | #6

    Funny update. Jim Kunz, director of LAN PARTY MASSACRE emailed me and offered to send along a poster I could hang above my desk for motivation.

    It was the classiest asshole move anyone has ever pulled on me.

  7. July 31st, 2008 | 10:28 am | #7

    I picture him hunched over his computer, praying for his “LAN PARTY MASSACRE” Google Alert to return a match… any match.

  8. August 8th, 2008 | 8:44 am | #8

    I’m 26 and have yet to start writing the horror movie I’m convinced will be the biggest thing since….something really big.

    Zombies and the Salem Witch Trials works regardless the medium…right?

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