When I was doing this past week’s news re-cap I came across a post on Arrow in the Head that was shilling a new STD’er called Gamebox 1.0. My thoughts regarding nerd usage in plots should be obvious by this point. I don’t believe it to be a bad idea, but people drastically need to stop trying because they cannot get it right.
They embarrass themselves in the process. And not just a little bit, like someone cracking open the door while you’re in the bathroom, but embarrassment beyond any point of recovery. Like getting a boner in front of everyone during the scoliosis test in gym class. There is just no coming back from that and you might as well invest in a new set of razor blades, because you sure don’t want to get tetanus when you’re cutting yourself in a corner before posting about it on MySpace.
There is no better example of this than Gamebox 1.0 and its GLORIOUS trailer. I love independent filmmakers, Gods know they deserve all the support they can get. I’ve tried to make a movie. I know how apeshit it is, but at least I was able to realize shattered dreams when I was dancing on them. I was able to cut my loses. But then again, I didn’t have Danielle Fischel to pay. A good guess would be that she needs the check. I’d wager that upon actually meeting the world, Topanga felt more than a little misled.
I am aware that dedicating a post to what will go down as one of the most regrettable moments in the history of hominids is rather pointless. By highlighting this guaranteed career funeral I am making you directly aware of it and thus fueling that faceless machine called viral marketing. This is inconsequential, however, because you will never see this movie anyway. You’ll watch this crappy quality trailer with utter disbelief on your face. You’ll tell someone about it, they’ll in turn not believe you. They’ll watch the trailer for themselves and then they’ll start the chain all over again. But in the end, none of these people are going to watch this movie and it, like Topanga, will disappear into the cultural ether like some kind of leper.
But I will see this movie. Because I truly believe the producers when they say their film has a,
"Unique look created (never before seen in a feature) where real actors are made to look like CG characters in games such as Grand Theft Auto, Halo, Doom, etc. to feel like they are fully in the game environment. Computer generated worlds that make viewer feel like inside the world of a modern day video game – advanced to the near future."
What the producers humbly fail to mention is that this movie is a time machine from a parallel universe. Using futuristic technology the likes of which our world has never seen, Gamebox 1.0 comes from a superior world as a miraculous godsend, reminding us what civilization was like before Tron changed the world in the dark years of nineteen and eighty two.