Trailers: Gamebox 1.0 – Please Secure Your Jaws Prior to Viewing

Posted by Peter Hall - February 19th 2007 @ 10:40 pm
Gamebox 1.5|-|17

When I was doing this past week’s news re-cap I came across a post on Arrow in the Head that was shilling a new STD’er called Gamebox 1.0.  My thoughts regarding nerd usage in plots should be obvious by this point.  I don’t believe it to be a bad idea, but people drastically need to stop trying because they cannot get it right.

They embarrass themselves in the process.  And not just a little bit, like someone cracking open the door while you’re in the bathroom, but embarrassment beyond any point of recovery.  Like getting a boner in front of everyone during the scoliosis test in gym class.  There is just no coming back from that and you might as well invest in a new set of razor blades, because you sure don’t want to get tetanus when you’re cutting yourself in a corner before posting about it on MySpace.

There is no better example of this than Gamebox 1.0 and its GLORIOUS trailer.  I love independent filmmakers, Gods know they deserve all the support they can get.  I’ve tried to make a movie.  I know how apeshit it is, but at least I was able to realize shattered dreams when I was dancing on them.  I was able to cut my loses.  But then again, I didn’t have Danielle Fischel to pay.  A good guess would be that she needs the check.  I’d wager that upon actually meeting the world, Topanga felt more than a little misled.

I am aware that dedicating a post to what will go down as one of the most regrettable moments in the history of hominids is rather pointless.  By highlighting this guaranteed career funeral I am making you directly aware of it and thus fueling that faceless machine called viral marketing.  This is inconsequential, however, because you will never see this movie anyway.  You’ll watch this crappy quality trailer with utter disbelief on your face.  You’ll tell someone about it, they’ll in turn not believe you.   They’ll watch the trailer for themselves and then they’ll start the chain all over again.  But in the end, none of these people are going to watch this movie and it, like Topanga, will disappear into the cultural ether like some kind of leper.

But I will see this movie.  Because I truly believe the producers when they say their film has a,

"Unique look created (never before seen in a feature) where real actors are made to look like CG characters in games such as Grand Theft Auto, Halo, Doom, etc. to feel like they are fully in the game environment. Computer generated worlds that make viewer feel like inside the world of a modern day video game – advanced to the near future."

What the producers humbly fail to mention is that this movie is a time machine from a parallel universe.  Using futuristic technology the likes of which our world has never seen, Gamebox 1.0 comes from a superior world as a miraculous godsend, reminding us what civilization was like before Tron changed the world in the dark years of nineteen and eighty two.

Gamebox 1.0 Trailer via AITH


rss 7 comments
  1. Cody
    February 19th, 2007 | 11:18 pm | #1

    So we’re seeing it when?

  2. Ripp
    February 20th, 2007 | 2:35 am | #2

    “Unique look created (never before seen in a feature) where real actors are made to look like CG characters in games such as Grand Theft Auto, Halo, Doom, etc. to feel like they are fully in the game environment. Computer generated worlds that make viewer feel like inside the world of a modern day video game – advanced to the near future.”

    eXistenZ is paused! Sounds like they’re going to make a movie like Existenz but instead of it being a cool game and a good, entertaining movie, it’s going to be shitty and have worse graphics.

    On a side note Peter…

    Went to the Churaumi aquarium this past Saturday. They had a HUGE squid in there that was caught or found here in Okinawa. It was dead but they had it preserved in either acrylic or formaldehyde. I took some pictures of it for you but I’m not sure how well they’ll turn out. It was dark so I had to use the flash and the glass likes to reflect the light. As soon as I saw it I laughed cause you weren’t there if it makes you feel better. :) Be back Thursday.

  3. February 20th, 2007 | 5:04 am | #3

    Thursday? Well damn, Jordan better take us even less time, then.

  4. shawn
    February 20th, 2007 | 11:55 pm | #4

    God that trailer looked so awful. It makes me sad to because I would like to see danielle fischel to do well as I loved her in boy meets in world. *sigh* it’s not a perfect world though.

  5. Joey
    February 21st, 2007 | 12:33 pm | #5

    “So we’re seeing it when?” -Cody

    Cant watch the trailer at work but… if its that bad we gotta see it. I never actually went and saw Dead alive. I would probably just be annoyed while watching it anyway.

  6. February 21st, 2007 | 4:51 pm | #6

    I sure hope you mean Stay Alive and not Dead Alive…

  7. Talia
    March 14th, 2007 | 6:29 pm | #7

    The trailer actually looks good. I don’t know why everyone thinks it looks so awful.

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