Review: Lake Placid 2

Posted by Peter Hall - April 29th 2007 @ 7:17 pm

Directed by David Flores, 2007
Written by Todd Hurvitz, Howie Miller

Lake Placid 2

I am not going to bother wasting my time writing a formal review of Lake Placid 2.  I am simply going to transcribe the first 2 minutes of the script, anything else you need to know can be extrapolated from this inspired exchange:

"Man, this lake is really starting to freak me out.  You know how many people have disappeared from here in the last couple of years?  Maybe 2.  But do you know how many have disappeared just in the last 6 months?  Huh?  5!"

"Man, you are paranoid.  You should really lay off the green.  Or at least share some with me!"

"Alright, I’m done.  Let’s get the hell out of here."

"Slow down, let me finish getting my samples.  You gotta relax, you need a hobby, you should try golf."

"Tilman, why are you even here?  You’re more concerned with baseball and mullets than you are with the ecosystem."

"For your information, I got into this line of work so I could meet sexy eco-warrior chics who don’t shave their legs."

You can possibly feel the suck pulling on you as you read those words, but believe me when I say there is no word or set of words strong enough in the English lexicon to convey the magnitude of how horrible the acting is in this – the opening scene – or the rest of the movie.  I cannot stress enough that Lake Placid 2 is a graveyard of piss-poor effects, bad writing and even worse acting.

This movie redefines Sci-Fi Channels own standards to a level of, let’s just call it, carcinogenic television.  And yet it is a movie like this (which is under no circumstances an anomaly) that makes me hate myself.  I should be writing for the Sci-Fi Channel.  But, alas, the crippling laziness…

Not to mention that John Schneider, who must be desperately wishing he was still on "Smallville", has got the worst, most age-inappropriate haircut on the planet:

Lake Placid 2 Worst Haircut Ever

Lake Placid 2 Bad Hairrr


rss 4 comments
  1. Adrian
    April 29th, 2007 | 11:18 pm | #1

    Awesome.

  2. chris cooke
    May 4th, 2007 | 6:58 am | #2

    fucking great! I will definately wait til it’s out on dvd, exhaust myslef walking up a hill to rent it, waiting until, mmm, maybe like 9pm, then getting a beer an watching it until i fall asleep!

  3. May 8th, 2007 | 3:14 pm | #3

    Ah crap I had strong suspicions this would be poop. I’m very fond of the first one, too, damnit.

  4. Mike Bauer
    July 23rd, 2010 | 3:19 am | #4

    Status: AGREE

    Okay, let’s start with the title: “Lake Placid 2″. Yes, as soon as everyone saw that title on the TV, all of our cousins and uncles who were at the theater in ’99 buying popcorn for the film’s predecessor got incredibly excited. Excited for the next enthrawling chapter in the “Lake Placid” franchise.

    Ladies and gentlemen, what can I say? How about it’s a made-for-TV movie. How great do you really think it was going to be??

    Steve Miner’s 1999 film starring Bill Pullman and Bridget Fonda did something that all monster movies in recent years had completely avoided doing: adding actual life to its characters rather than hollow, frankly, stupid humor or tacky, one-line bits followed by gory kills. It did great becuase of this, and can be called, by some definitions, a classic.
    But of course, some people get the idea that it’s a great idea to capitalize on that success with a sequel. And for some reason, director David Flores thought it would be a fantastic idea to helm the sequel on the SCI-FI CHANNEL! The amount of stupidity in that statement alone should be enough to turn just about every well-minded person away.
    And of course, what’s a monster movie sequel without trashy one-line acting and jumpy scenes that just about top any scare that the film attempts? The first film was great because it was different from today. In the first, the characters were adults, mature and capable of good humor while preserving the story and suspense. But in this one, writers dumb down the story to also follow, of course, dumb-ass teenagers who go off into the woods, get drunk, and, must I state the obvious? GET KILLED!
    Not only do these teenagers seem to have half a brain cell with their dialogue and half-hearted attempt at portraying high-school drunks, but the sci-fi channel has stooped to a new low by recruiting some of the shallowist sesame street-actors to play the parts. What a kill on the story because, instead of jumping and screaming at their suspensful scenes, you’re actually left laughing and wondering why they haven’t been killed yet.
    John Schneider seems to have more of a villian in him than a hero, which is supposed to be portraying. It’s laughable to see how uncaring he is during the kill scenes. It almost makes you wonder if he zoned out while filming that take. The crocodiles were better actors than he was, and they were ridiculous. Which brings me to my next point…
    What cliche line comes to mind when seeing this movie? How about: “Crocodiles! There’s crocodiles everywhere!” If I could name one scene with semi-ok dialogue that wasn’t quickly drowned out by a hungry, seemingly invincible croc attack, then I wouldn’t be writing all this. Sure, the whole movie is ABOUT crocodiles, but there is most definately a line where enough is enough; a line that every single person who worked on this movie took a sprinting vault right over. They’re everywhere! In the woods, in the water, on the beach, on the dock, THERE’S PROBABLY ONE IN YOU’RE FUCKING LAP! They become as annoying as ticks after while. And the characters just don’t seem to get that shooting at these immortal, enormour crocs won’t kill them. So every time they see one, they unload a whole magazine on it. And after it gets away with another meal, they stand around like retards wondering why in the world their guns just aren’t working.
    And my God, those crocodiles, when animated (which is virtually every one that you will ever see in this movie) are shit! As if the acting isn’t hollow enough, here we have those piss-talented actors screaming as they are being attacked by cartoon crocodiles. I actually laughed. Not Kidding. Actually did.
    The sci-fi channel is famous for this; the zip-level animation that isn’t even good enough for Looney Toons. It makes the title “made-for-TV movie” sound even worse. These crocs look so fake it’s like they’re paper-maiche cut-outs with a mouth that everyone runs and screams from. And the worst of it? Our crappy teenagers defend themselves by repeatedly hiding from these animals in trees. What is this? Jurassic Park III? “Don’t worry, guys. I don’t think giant crocodiles can climb trees.”
    Finally, we rest on the fact that this noisy film, completely drowned of any and all story, should have raised a red flag for the sci-fi channel to just back off and let the original ride the top. But just as with many other of its sequels which have tanked with a laugh, it didn’t. And here we have Lake Placid 2. Sorry, uncles and cousins. It just sucked.
    What’s more, by the way? The sci-fi channel is releasing “Lake Placid 3″ in October. I guess they didn’t learn their lesson from this shit-fest. Ugh, here we go again.

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