Directed by David Flores, 2007
Written by Todd Hurvitz, Howie Miller

I am not going to bother wasting my time writing a formal review of Lake Placid 2.  I am simply going to transcribe the first 2 minutes of the script, anything else you need to know can be extrapolated from this inspired exchange:

"Man, this lake is really starting to freak me out.  You know how many people have disappeared from here in the last couple of years?  Maybe 2.  But do you know how many have disappeared just in the last 6 months?  Huh?  5!"

"Man, you are paranoid.  You should really lay off the green.  Or at least share some with me!"

"Alright, I’m done.  Let’s get the hell out of here."

"Slow down, let me finish getting my samples.  You gotta relax, you need a hobby, you should try golf."

"Tilman, why are you even here?  You’re more concerned with baseball and mullets than you are with the ecosystem."

"For your information, I got into this line of work so I could meet sexy eco-warrior chics who don’t shave their legs."

You can possibly feel the suck pulling on you as you read those words, but believe me when I say there is no word or set of words strong enough in the English lexicon to convey the magnitude of how horrible the acting is in this – the opening scene – or the rest of the movie.  I cannot stress enough that Lake Placid 2 is a graveyard of piss-poor effects, bad writing and even worse acting.

This movie redefines Sci-Fi Channels own standards to a level of, let’s just call it, carcinogenic television.  And yet it is a movie like this (which is under no circumstances an anomaly) that makes me hate myself.  I should be writing for the Sci-Fi Channel.  But, alas, the crippling laziness…

Not to mention that John Schneider, who must be desperately wishing he was still on "Smallville", has got the worst, most age-inappropriate haircut on the planet: