No, I Haven’t Seen Hatchet Yet.

Posted by Peter Hall - September 9th 2007 @ 8:56 am

A few weeks back I was questioning Adam Green’s claim that all studio eyes were on the performance of Hatchet.  I still stand by my disbelief, but I think it is only fair that I point out I was, against my word, not at the theater opening weekend.  But I, at least, have a reason.

See, despite the fact that I live in the Northern VA/DC area, which is the fourth most populated urban area in the United States (I’m just saying), the closest place Hatchet is playing is 70 miles away.  In Baltimore.  Ugh*.

I don’t know if you, dear reader, have ever been to the once civilized city, but it is common knowledge that when you walk outside of the port area you are really walking into Thunderdome.  Baltimore is a no-man’s land where Law Dogs are strung up and the native currency is human teeth and hub caps.

There doesn’t even need to be anyone on the street to have your lung punctured by a shiv.  Even the ghosts in Baltimore are angry.  And believe me, there are a helluva lot of ghosts eternally wandering the streets of Baltidome, hungry for an anonymous vengeance to settle their restless spirits.

*Actually, I just like making fun of Baltimore.  Box Cutter stabbings aside, it is a cool city, but 140 miles round trip at 15 miles per gallon is pushing it.  The trip alone would total over 2 and a half hours, an hour longer than the movie itself.  If it doesn’t expand next week, I might make the trip.  No promises, though.

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