I’m not sure how many times I’ve written posts that exist only to apologize for a lack of posts, but its more times than I’d like. The writing juices just haven’t been flowing. And I’ll give you an example why. When trying to write a review of Sheitan, this is how the intro turned out:
Sheitan is … special.
Sheitan is not treasure.
Sheitan is the child your neighbor brings to the BBQ and whose unnamed handicap bestows an awkwardness upon every conversation going on in the backyard. As it wanders around the grass, eating worms and offering rocks to people, one can’t help but see a beauty in its abnormality. Its identity and spirit are unique, but it just wasn’t in the cards for it to be Prom King.
When I open a movie review with a comparison to a retarded child, I’m doing something wrong. I’m hardly a politically correct guy - we all know I love a suffering baby on screen - but that is just bad writing on my part.
Plus I’ve been watching crap lately. This weekend, though, I’ll get some good flicks in - films I actually want to watch. The Thing on HD-DVD should be a good starting point.
That last paragraph (about the retarded child) was hysterical. If you ask me, one of the things that sets this blog apart is crazy writing like that. One line is articulate and concise, and the next is a borderline-offensive run-on sentence smoothie of 50-cent words and rage.
When it comes to a given review, I’ll generally read the whole thing, but I only repeat the sentences that seethe with anger and find new, joyfully convoluted ways to insult the movie being critiqued. Don’t lose that, man. Calling bad films “cinematic abortions” and the like are what make this blog worth reading.
We know you can write. And obviously other people can, too. But not everyone can write those insane schadenfraude tirades against craptacular horror flicks.
Just my opinion, though. I’ll read either way.
Well then fuck, maybe I was doing something right.
I’m too self-deprecating.