Stay Alive – What is Wrong With People?

Posted by Peter Hall - March 22nd 2006 @ 11:15 am

My seething hatred for Stay Alive isn’t something I’ve kept private and yes it was born out of personal envy, but the movie is still an obvious turd. I just don’t understand how people are getting fooled by the promotional materials for this movie.

And this isn’t an isolated incident, like the 12 people who wanted to see Bloodrayne

First there was the trailer. A trailer so horrorific in its presentation that I am still confident were an epileptic to view it, it would instantly launch them into a skull shattering seizure.

Then there was the one sheet for it. I thought this poster was a joke at first and that they’d never actually print it up, but then I saw it at the theater last week. Sad.

Then there was the guy sitting next to Joey at The Hills Have Eyes who, after the trailer was over, said something like, “Man, I can’t wait to see that!” Or maybe it was, “I’m such a tool.” I’m not sure which.

And today Bloody Disgusting publishes a news post with the title, “New Pics Keep ‘Stay Alive’ Looking Better and Better!” This I had to see. Surely Bloody Disgusting wouldn’t lead me astray with their top notch film analysis (read: their editor gave The Hills remake a 5 out of 10, while 2001 Maniacs gets an 8. Like I said, don’t ever trust their reviews.)!

You’ll have to click the link to see these “really f’n cool pics” – because I refuse to host them here – but I can guarantee you’ll only laugh. The Blood Countess, the film’s villain, looks like she was auditioning for Hocus Pocus. And that in-game graphic (which is supposed to be “next-gen”, hah) is pathetically lame. The only thing I thought would be close to interesting about this film was American McGee‘s handling of all the in-game sequences. What went wrong?

I may be more into the horror genre than a lot of people, but I’m still not an elitist. I’m not above watching any manner of horror film (Hell, I moved The Gingerdead Man above Seven Samurai on my Netflix queue), I just do not understand how someone sees any of the above evidence and then thinks to themselves, “No words…Should have sent a poet…”

“Really f’n cool pics”? I really am begining to think that this whole Stay Alive deal is just an April Fools joke come a week early and everyone is in on it but me.

Oh, and stop shilling BD.  You’re one of the most read horror news sites out there, you should know better.


rss 6 comments
  1. March 22nd, 2006 | 3:55 pm | #1

    I think we need a Stay Alive drinking game Peter. When we’re able to download it, so as not to pay any money for it at all, every time they use a cliche “gamer” term we take a shot. I.E. “Owned”, “1337″, etc. Anything that’s relatively close would do too because I’m sure they’ll fuck those up really well.

    It really feels like this movie is going to be another Hackers. All the actors are going to totally miss represent a technological generation. You know they’ll all look horribly uncomfortable in doing it too because they know absolutely nothing about the community that they’re representing. They should have got Robin Williams to star in this. I remember a few years ago when there was an article that came out that said he was addicted to playing Day of Defeat. At least he knows what’s up and we’ll get some funny voices while we watch the retarded ass movie.

  2. March 22nd, 2006 | 4:04 pm | #2

    Oh man, that drinking game is a great idea, except I’m pretty sure we’d all end up with Alcohol poisoning 45 minutes into it.

  3. March 22nd, 2006 | 6:53 pm | #3

    Was that Adam Goldberg? Too funny.

  4. March 22nd, 2006 | 11:50 pm | #4

    Haha, yah it is. And on top of that they asked him to do a rediculous Texan accent. You can’t silence The Hebrew Hammer!!!

  5. j
    March 23rd, 2006 | 12:21 am | #5

    …………..SMOKE…………..

  6. Adrian
    April 6th, 2006 | 3:58 am | #6

    Doesn’t it just burn you that little bit extra that Frankie Muniz is in this movie?

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