Directed by Kevin VanHook, 2005
It’s called the ethic of reciprocity. If someone was nice enough to send me something, should I return the favor and kindly write a good review? What if the movie wasn’t any good? What if it was so excruciatingly bland that I genuinely felt as if an hour and a half of my life was being raped from my soul?
Sci-Fi channel, I love you and leave you on in the background all the time – not to mention I think Battlestar Galactica is the best show on TV and recommend it to anyone who is capable of hearing me. And Anchor Bay, if you were to look at my DVD shelf you’d see a huge row of cases with your sail boat on the bottom. So what did I do to deserve this? What horrible, horrible thing did I do unto you to have such torture done unto me?
Voodoo Moon, which brings cheesy special effects to a whole new level, opens mid-story with Eric Mabius hunting the demon who slaughtered his family’s town twenty years prior. He "fights" an invisible demon in what is perhaps the least intense battle ever shot on hi-def (and that’s saying a lot) all while looking almost exactly like the Crow. Oh wait, Mabius played the Crow in one of its unpopular sequels. Apparently no one bothered to change his warddrobe. His humorous appearance is the least of the film’s problems, because every subsequent scene lowers the bar when it comes to boringness. And then, just when you think it can’t go lower, someone manages to stomp on said bar, smashing it exponentially below the surface of the earth until the sound of lowered standards turns into a mind piercing hum.
The thing is, Voodoo Moon isn’t a movie gone bad. This isn’t material that could have been good in the right hands, it’s just bland no matter how the deck was cut. It’s a painful kind of bland that makes you wonder why anyone would have greenlit this project to begin with.
It has a decent cast. Mabius couldn’t act himself into a highschool play, yes, but the supporting cast have all delivered in the past. Dee Wallace is a genre staple, as is Jeffrey Combs, but neither is given anything to show their chops. Charisma Carpenter is great in Buffy/Angel and Veronica Mars, but here she’s just perpetually confused. I’m actually shocked the producers didn’t play up her sex appeal, considering that’s what normally happens when a straight-to-cable/DVD film needs to draw some viewers. It probably would have helped here and the Carpenter fans who are baited to this by her alone will be sorely dissapointed.
The script meanders through action which is never stimulating or involving to a climax which is anything but what a climax should be. I’d say more about the plot, but there is no point. Whatever music there is rushed and unoriginal. The few practical makeup effects there are work, but the CGI is pathetic and used when it doesn’t even need to be.
It’s just plain boring. It is no way to spend an hour and a half, even with a bottle of hard liquor in your hand.
I’m sorry Sci-Fi Channel, I’m sorry Anchor Bay, but I just can’t give Voodoo Moon a pass. The ethic of reciprocity dictates this one. Bad film deserves bad review.