Written and Directed by Sean Byrne, 2009

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I’ve been running Horror’s Not Dead for a little over four years now.  If you’ve been reading the site for any decent length of time, you can probably trace how my tastes have cultivated over the years and how from time to time I’ll stumble upon an indie or foreign gem that I love to stamp the HND seal of approval all over.  Well, it’s time to break out the letterhead here at HND; I’m calling that dusty old stamp (which I feel like I haven’t really broken out since J. T. Petty’s THE BURROWERS) back into action for THE LOVED ONES.  I know that most readers out there are not going to be able to rush out and see this criminally good time from Australia, but you’d do well to bump Sean Byrne’s dark and brutal horror comedy to the top of your mental list of titles to keep an eye out for.

It’s about an already-spoken-for senior, Brent, who turns down Lola, a cute and clearly shy girl, when she asks him to be her prom date.  Brent, who is clearly not a popular kid in school, in fact he’s recently become kind of a loner and a pothead after his father died in car accident, is quite kind when turning down the meek lass, but such kindness is lost on little Lola.  Her father then proceeds to kidnap Brent and force him to be Lola’s date to a lovely prom that happens to take place in their kitchen.

That’s basically it, plot-wise, actually.  Indeed it is this lean, uncomplicated plot that is one of first time writer/director Sean Byrne’s greatest strengths.  It’s not bogged down by unnecessary side stories (though we do get periodic glimpses of how Brent’s best friend’s date at the actual prom is going) or weighty exposition surrounding why Brent has become such a loner. No, THE LOVED ONES is a blazing 84 minutes of constant one-upmanship.  Every time you begin to think Byrne couldn’t possibly top how outrageous poor Brent’s night is becoming, he savagely shoves adrenaline needles into the heart of the film scene after scene until it transforms into a ravaged, bold, and bloody as hell beast that will have you laughing and cringing with alarming regularity.

1.  What is Dawn of the Dreadfuls?

It’s the prequel to Quirk Classics’ Jane Austen mash-up Pride and Prejudice and Zombies.  And it’s very, very funny.

2.  I probably need to read that book first to enjoy it, right?

Not at all.  I didn’t, and I could completely enjoy and follow Dawn of the Dreadfuls on its own.  Probably because author Steve Hockensmith is most likely insane.

3.  Should I at least read Pride and Prejudice beforehand?

Nope, you don’t have to.  I’ve only seen the Kiera Knightley movie, and I have no intention of visiting the original novel.  I’m sure the little bit of knowledge I gained from watching the film probably helped some, but I think all it really did was let me put Donald Sutherland’s face on Mr. Bennett in every hilarious scene.

4.  What’s it about?

The delightful Bennett girls are forced to put aside their ladylike, oh-so-very-British ways and kick major zombie ass.  If that’s not enough for you, it’s got kung fu and romance.  And if that’s still not enough for you, it’s got pictures (by illustrator Patrick Arrasmith).  You sure are picky.  Want a quick pitch?  Imagine Shawn of the Dead set 200 years ago and infused with an irreverent, spot-on lampooning of Georgian-era Girl Power.

5.  That sounds pretty awesome, actually.  How can I find out more about Quirk’s books?

Go to their website!  Dawn of the Dreadfuls hits stores on March 23, 2010, but they’re currently building an entire library of literary monster-mashes that would make your English Lit teacher weep.  With joy.

6.  Will you give me your copy?

Hell, no.  But if you just click here and tell them you saw it on Horror’s Not Dead, you’re automatically entered to win one of fifty Quirk Classics prize packages, which includes…

• An advance copy of Pride and Prejudice and Zombies:  Dawn of the Dreadfuls
• Audio books for Pride and Prejudice and Zombies as well as Sense and Sensibility and Seamonsters
• Exclusive access to sample audio chapters from Dawn of the Dreadfuls
• An awesome Dawn of the Dreadfuls poster
• A Pride and Prejudice and Zombies journal
• A boxed set of Pride and Prejudice and Zombies postcards

Now, hurry!  The contest ends on March 10. 2010.  All you have to do is click here to enter!

Theatrical News and Clips

• SURVIVAL OF THE DEAD – Red Band trailer.
• AFTER.LIFE – Liam Neeson hold’s Christina Ricci’s ghost hostage.

Studio News and Attachments

• SPLICE – Warner Brother’s Dark Castle division will be putting out Vincenzo Natali’s well-buzzed sci-fi/horror hybrid SPLICE this June with a few alterations in place from its last screening at Sundance.
• THE DARKEST HOUR – Timur Bekmambetov is producing an alien invasion flick for RIGHT AT YOUR DOOR director Chris Gorak to be shot in Russia but released in the US by Summit.
• ALIEN PREQUEL – Guess how many dimensions the Ridley Scott-directed prequel (which is likely the first part of a new trilogy) is going to be shot in.
• ABRAHAM LINCOLN: VAMPIRE HUNTER – Tim Burton and Timur Bekmambetov will be producing an adaptation of the just-published novel by Seth Grahamme-Smith.

Remakes

• PET SEMATARY – Matthew Greenberg, the writer behind 1408, has been hired to pen the remake/readaptation of Stephen King’s classic.

Indie, Foreign and Random News

• THE LAST VOYAGE OF THE DEMETER – Marcus Nispel is off the Dracula-at-sea project, replaced by COUNTERFEITERS director Stefan Ruzowitzky.
• SOLOMON KANE – Producers of Michael J. Bassett’s solid bit of dark fantasy are hoping to use the PARANORMAL ACTIVITY “Demand it!” ideology.  Not sure it’s going to work, but the movie is worth the 40 seconds it’ll take you to fill it out for your city.
• THE CHILD’S EYE – The Pang Brothers are doing a fourth entry in their popular EYE series.  Curious considering the first entry was, for a good while, my favorite Asian horror movie.
• [REC] 2 – Since Sony has shown no plans of releasing it in the States any time soon, your best bet for (legally) seeing [REC] 2 is one of these import DVDs/Blu-rays.
• THE BLACK WATERS OF ECHO POND – Poster and city list for its theatrical run.

Non-Theatrical Trailers and Clips

• WOMB GHOSTS – Yes, WOMB GHOSTS.  Well played, Asia.
• THE BUNNY GAME – Clips
• THE POSSESSION OF DAVID O’REILLY – ParaBritishNormal Activity.
• A CADAVER CHRISTMAS – Trailer.
• IN THEIR SLEEP – From the producers of FRONTIERE(S).
• KURT JOSEF WAGLE AND THE LEGEND OF THE FJORD WITCH – A cinema verite spoof from the director of DEAD SNOW will have a form of smell-o-vision.

Regular readers should know I don’t do interviews all that often.  But when an opportunity to interview Breck Eisner came up, I knew it was something I should jump on.  I’ll admit, though, I was a little nervous about it at first.  I was afraid I’d end up hating THE CRAZIES; that it would wind up being another dismissible, un-endearing remake out of Hollywood and that meeting Eisner the morning after might be rather awkward.

Well, if you read my review of it you should know by now that was not the case.  I loved it quite a bit, which certainly talking to the man behind it hell of a lot easier to do.  Enjoy.  (And if you haven’t seen THE CRAZIES yet, there’s no real spoilers here, but you might as well go see it first before reading because, well, just go see the movie; it deserves it.)

Nice to meet you.

You too, Peter.  Thanks for the time.

No problem.  I’m actually doing this interview for a site called HorrorsNotDead.com

[Laughs] Spread the word, man. Spread the word.

That was actually sort of the crux of my review, that if horror fans don’t turn out opening weekend for something this good, they’re part of the problem.

I know, I know, let’s get them there. Horror is just inherently smaller movies. You get a Shutter Island every once and a while – whether that’s really horror or not is debatable – but we don’t get the high profile movies so much, and so when they’re not high profile you don’t get the spending budgets in advertising. We’re out spent in all the other movies a hundred times, and so we’re trying to create this grassroots, online way and hopefully people come to support it.

Directed by Breck Eisner, 2010
Written by Scott Kosar and Ray Wright

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You’re forgiven for being apprehensive about a remake of THE CRAZIES, George Romero’s classic (as in age, not quality) bit of ’70s violence and paranoia.  I know I was.  After all, we live in a climate where studio (not talent) driven remakes arrive at regular intervals calculated by accounting departments, where insulting remakes are a dozen a dime and where exceptional remakes are a dime a decade.  You’ll not be forgiven, however, if you call yourself a horror fan and still turn your back on Breck Eisner’s exceptional remake of THE CRAZIES this weekend.  I don’t care what your excuse is, either; if you have more than 2 hours time to spare in the next 72 hours and you opt not to pay deserving coin to see THE CRAZIES at your local picture house, you’re officially part of the problem.

For those who haven’t seen the original 1973 film, THE CRAZIES is about a small town held under brutal government quarantine after a plane carrying an insanity-inducing, water-born virus crashes into the county water supply.  That’s it, really.  Whereas the original film was a jumbled-up mishmash of an outbreak film that was as much about a few town folk as it was the govies’ inept handling of the situation, this new evolution of THE CRAZIES has abandoned the latter part wholesale.  Instead, it focuses entirely on the town Sheriff (Timothy Olyphant), his wife (Radha Mitchell), his deputy (Joe Anderson) and his wife’s co-worker (Danielle Panabaker) as they try to survive the arrival of this colossal government fluster cluck.

Not only do they have to contend with a ‘contain at all costs’ military presence, but the rest of the townies pose an even more lethal threat.  The virus, which carries over the original film’s codename of Trixie, has the effect of transforming the infected into hideous killers swarming with varicose veins.  They’re not mindless, though.  Depending on the stage and severity of incubation, the Crazies can still talk and plot, they’re just crippled by poor impulse control.  That last bit makes for an exciting and fresh variant of dread we don’t see often in Hollywood horror: human in thought, zombie in action.

Directed by Martin Scorsese, 2010
Written by Laeta Kalogridis

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If you’re already planning on seeing SHUTTER ISLAND this weekend, don’t read beyond.  If you’re on the fence on seeing what it looks like when Martin Scorsese makes a horror movie, know that it is absolutely worth seeing, but do not read any further.  It’s impossible for me to talk about it without treading on subjects best left unexplored until you’ve seen the film.  So please, only read on if you’ve either already read the book, seen the film, or just don’t care about implied spoilers and are trying to waste time reading this at work (if that’s the case, just take off and go see the thing already).

This isn’t so much a review as it is a discussion of the film watching process.  You’ve been warned.

SHUTTER ISLAND is maddeningly brilliant and the maddening part isn’t the film’s fault at all.  We as viewers have grown accustomed to a certain breed of film from Hollywood whenever the words “psychological thriller” can be appended to a film’s description.  Anyone who watches even a normal amount of movies and is over the age of, say, 16, should have a sixth sense for plot twists by now and can become bored when a film’s big revelation is as painfully clear as it is slow to arrive.  When a film focuses on a Federal Marshall (Leonardo DiCaprio) sent to investigate the inexplicable disappearance of a patient at a mental institution for the criminally insane and the increasingly (and rapidly) bizarre behavior and hallucinations that surround him, you begin to concoct a certain conclusion in the back of your brain.

Directed by Joe Johnston, 2010
Written by Andrew Kevin Walker and David Self

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I’ve got just as many complaints as I have compliments for Joe Johnston’s THE WOLFMAN, but the crux of its failings is this; What’s the point?  Lawrence Talbot (Benecio Del Toro) returns home to his estranged and aloof father (Anthony Hopkins) to investigate the savage death of his brother at the request of his now-widowed sister in law (Emily Blunt).  Things are not as expected in back in England and, well, I don’t need to explain it.  We all know Benecio Del Toro is then turned into a werewolf and starts killing people against his will.  It’s really not that complicated.

And that’s the problem.  THE WOLFMAN needs to be complicated.  There needs to be torment behind those eyes in order for the audience to fear the full moon as much as Talbot does should.  Yet this iteration has no such concerns.  In fact, it’s not so much a creature feature as it is a zombie film.  Johnston and company lurch mindlessly from one obvious plot point to the next as though the whole film were operating on muscle memory and the vague knowledge that at one point in its life it had a higher purpose.  And low the purpose fell, the sets and makeup remained, so all involved went through the motions to deliver a horror movie that is entertaining in spurts but largely forgettable.

Universal’s resurrection of its classic monster is riddled with obvious holes in which to insert blame, but its troubled production is hardly the excuse here.  Even if original director Mark Romanek had stayed on board, audiences would still have Benecio Del Toro, who is about as energetic as a pamphlet on lycanthropy.  It’s astounding how uninvolved his performance is considering his love for the 1941 WOLF MAN is what got the project up and running in the first place.  He exerts zero charisma throughout his non-wolf sequences, in turn giving the audience zero emotional interest in seeing him overcome the monstrous Gypsy curse.

Directed by Daniel Grou, 2010
Written by Patrick Senécal

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Maybe I’ve just spent too much time in the horror genre. Maybe I’ve become desensitized to violence and torture. Maybe I’m just incapable of ignoring the part of my brain that says “It’s all just a movie.” Whatever the case, it’s rare that I find a film difficult to watch. But every now and then a film arrives that reminds me, no, I’m not desensitized to violence and torture, that my ‘just a movie’ switch can be short circuited, and that the horror genre can still get under my calloused skin. Such is Daniel Grou’s 7 Days.

The French Canadian film had its world premiere last week at the Sundance Film Festival and starting today it will be available via the Sundance Selects program across a number of cable provider’s OnDemand platforms. And while saying 7 Days got under the skin of a hardened horror movie fan sounds like the highest of compliments, I hesitate to consider that grounds for recommendation. Yes, it is difficult to watch. Yes, it is disturbing. Yes, it is made with the utmost craft. Yet I feel it prudent to point out that, while those are qualities we all can agree define a good horror movie, this is absolutely a film not for everyone.

On the surface, it’s the story of a doctor who uses a cabin in the woods to methodically exact revenge on the man the police have accused of raping and murdering his eight-year old daughter. But beyond the torture is a harrowing journey into what happens to otherwise healthy relationships when they’re sundered by the unimaginable. This isn’t a tale of revenge in the Death Sentence tradition. This is an unflinching magnifying glass on what it means to lose everything. It spends as much time lingering on the physical torture as it does the mental; a combination that often times becomes almost unbearable to watch.

Read the rest of my review at HorrorSquad.

Theatrical Trailers and Clips

• ZOMBIES OF MASS DESTRUCTION – After Dark rolls out a new trailer for their Horrorfest titles.
• HIDDEN – One of the ADF Horrorfest titles I’ve seen.  Not bad, kinda slow.
• THE REEDS – Chalk up another ADF title.
• THE FINAL – One more ADF Horrorfest trailer.
• BURIED – I believe I read earlier today that Lionsgate just bought the Ryan Reynolds trapped-in-a-coffin flick.

Studio News and Attachments

• PARANORMAL ACTIVITY 2 – Kevin Greutert, who made the surprisingly solid SAW 6, is directing PA2.
• SYMPATHY FOR THE DEVIL – Sam Jackson and Josh Duhamel may be stuck battling heaven and hell in Boaz Yankin’s Louisiana-set supernatural thriller.
• Spielberg’s new Alien TV show – No title yet, but Spielberg will be throwing down for another Taken-esque miniseries; this time for TNT.
• DREAM HOUSE – Naomi Watts joins Jim Sheridan’s “city folk shouldn’t move to creepy houses in the country” flick alongside Daniel Craig.
• BURKE AND HARE – Casting for John Landis’ graverobbing comedy gets more awesome.  Joining Simon Pegg and Andy Serkis are Tom Wilkinson and Isla Fisher.
• THE FURTHER – James Wan’s next film to be produced by Oren Peli.
• THE WALKING DEAD – Frank Darabont’s TV-series adaptation of Kirkman’s comic got the greenlight at AMC.
• DRACULA: YEAR ZERO – Alex Proyas is budgeting and scheduling his take on the origin of Dracula.

Remakes

• THE WOLFMAN – Danny Elfman’s score has been re-instated for Joe Johnston’s WOLFMAN.
• PLANET OF THE APES – Despite recent news to the contrary, Fox does indeed still plan on rebooting PLANET OF THE APES.  Again.
• CONAN – Marcus Nispel’s CONAN THE BARBARIAN remake gets its hunk.  It’s that guy from that STARGATE show you never watched.
• FRANKENSTEIN – Not so much a remake as another adaptation, but Danny Boyle will be directing a stage play of the classic tale in London.

Indie, Foreign and Random News

• BLACK SUNSET – The Butcher Brothers, AKA the guys who made THE HAMILTONS and THE VIOLENT KIND, have pegged their next project about a “betrayal-filled nightmare” that plays out during a surfing trip to Mexico.
• BLACK DEATH – Christopher Smith’s movie about the bubonic plague slips a little on its UK release.
• MY NAME IS BRUCE 2 – Bruce will be fighting Frankenstein.  I’d be interested if MY NAME IS BRUCE was anything less than a clunking piece of shit.
• ENTER THE VOID – IFC picks up Gasper Noe’s latest film for US distribution.

Non-Theatrical Trailers and Clips

• EATERS – Italian zombie flick produced by Uwe Boll.

Directed by Scott Stewart, 2010
Written by Peter Schink, Scott Stewart

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Joining the ranks of Night of the Living Dead, Assault on Precinct 13, Demon Knight, From Dusk Till Dawn, Feast, Maximum Overdrive, and a host of other “siege” horror films, comes Legion, an unrepentantly dopey fantasy-action-horror hybrid built upon the idea that God hates us all.  Personally, I don’t believe that God hates us all, but He’s got to be a little peeved at director Scott Stewart for casting Him as the villain in such a stupid genre exercise.

The nicest thing I can say about Legion is that it’s conventional.  All of the elements and characters you’d expect from a siege movie are here — a remote location (deserts work best), a stranger with a past, a single mom, a bickering married couple, a wise black guy, a local bohunk who can’t live up to his full potential as long as he stays in this dead-end town, and a dude that shows up out of nowhere and starts barking orders because he’s the only one that knows exactly what’s going on.  You even get the “don’t open that door or we’re all dead” scene several times, which, in all honesty, kind of loses its impact after the first time when they don’t end up “all dead”.

What sets Legion apart is its faithful devotion to spiritual hooey.  The gist is that God is fed up with “all the bullshit” (as explained to us in Adrienne Palicki’s voiceover at the start of the film and repeated verbatim at the end, for those of us who can’t remember things that happened ninety minutes ago).  He sends the archangel Michael (Paul Bettany) down to a greasy-spoon diner to kill the unborn baby of Palicki’s character, Charlie, for no specific reason (Some lip service is paid to Charlie’s baby being the thing that will save mankind, whatever that means.  This movie doesn’t like dealing in specifics).  Michael changes his mind, decides to save the baby, and basically screws things up for the whole world — causing an unstoppable horde of angel-possessed human monsters and rival archangel Gabriel (Kevin Durand, most famous for playing lunkheads) to try and finish the job.

Directed by Albert Hughes and Allen Hughes, 2010
Written by Gary Whitta

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I’m an easy sell on a lot of things and I have a lot of soft spots.  Horror movies shot entirely in daylight…movies set in a single location…movies starring Lance Henriksen…Syfy Original Movies… all of these start off with a halo in my book.  That said, I think the softest niche spot I have is for the post-apocalypse.  However, unlike the other qualities I just listed, I am not an easy sell on post-apocalyptic movies.  Sure, I’ll see a PA film solely because of its end of the world nature, but that gives it no edge in critical favor.

The trailers for THE BOOK OF ELI did nothing for me.  It looked like an over-stylized yet still monotone vision of the future banking on Denzel Washington’s inherently badass attitude and a number of quickly cut together action scenes.  Plus, it’s been 8 years since the Hughes Brothers made a movie, so buzzing the production as the latest film from the Hughes Brothers is meaningless to me.  It is with great relief, then, that I’m happy to report, to my own surprise, I liked THE BOOK OF ELI.  Truth is, I almost even loved it.

Don’t let the marketing fool you.  The Hughes Brothers have delivered a unique meditation on life after the end of times that does its best to be the polar opposite of everything the trailer looked like.  Denzel Washington plays the titular character (Eli, not the book), a man who has dedicated his life to walking west on a mission, a mission I will be touching upon below.  I’m not going to be spoiling anything huge (or non-obvious), but if you know next to nothing about THE BOOK OF ELI and want to keep it that way, I leave you here with a simple verdict: Yes, it’s worth a trip to the theater.

Everyone likes free stuff and everyone wants free stuff and I happen to have some free stuff that I can give away, but not to everyone.   Unlike the JU-ON: THE GRUDGE giveaway, however, two people will end up finding their mailbox stuffed with free stuff this time around.  And if you couldn’t deduce it from the cryptic headline, Sony Pictures Home Entertainment has given me two copies of Rob Zombie’s HALLOWEEN 2 to giveaway in honor of the film’s release on DVD and Blu-ray tomorrow, January 12th.

Having not actually seen the film, I’m not one to smite it just yet, but I think it’s safe to say you already know whether or not this is something you’d like to have in your collection.  So head on up to the contact button in the top right of this page and make use of your keyboard.  Send me an email with the subject line “H2 For Free Please” and you’re good to go.  Let’s say you have until Thursday at noon CST to accomplish this burdensome task.